Ron Liekefett

     A Round Tooit
     © 2006 Ron Liekefett
Inventions have changed our lives a great deal
In the last million years or two.
For example, the bloke who invented the wheel
Changed the whole landscape for me and for you.
Imagine being able to roll it alone
Instead of straining your flaming guts out.
Now, even if wringing wet you are only six stone,
You can still wheel the garbage bin out.

I’m jealous of all those smarty pants guys
Who come up with those brilliant plans..
They can change the world without blinking their eyes,
While the rest of us sit on our hands.
But I know the secret that helps to explain
How these people are able to do it.
These marvellous things they seem to attain,
They’ve all got a round tooit.

What a wonderful thing a round tooit would be,
It makes brilliant men of us all.
Imagine the world class inventions you’d see
And the medals adorning my wall.
None of my work would be e’er left undone,
My lawn would be mown every day.
A mile in under four minutes I’d run,
And I’d never have bills left to pay.

If I got a round tooit my life would be bliss,
I’d not spend a day in the poo.
I’d do all the housework and nothing I’d miss
There’s no end to the things that I’d do.
The car would be washed at least once a week,
If the dog needs to be walked, then I’d do it.
I’d work all day long and no respite I’d seek,
If only I got a round tooit.

If I got a round tooit I’d repaint the stairs,
And rebuild the back porch as well.
I’d build that spare room the wife’s wanted for years,
And do up that old car to sell.
I’d clean out the back shed she’s nagged me about
And take all that stuff to the dump.
And that brand new front fence would leave no one in doubt
That I haven’t just sat on my rump.

A round tooit would make a new man out of me,
You’d not believe the change it would make.
I’d get back to work on that family tree,
And my pledge to stop drinking I’d take.
In my great new garden, fresh vegies I’d grow;
I’d sell to the neighbours as well.
I’d maybe win Lotto. Well, you never know,
Then tell the boss he can just go to hell.

But it must be a round tooit, not oblong or square,
And rectangles will not do at all.
No matter the job it must neatly fit there
Without being too big or too small.
So perhaps the only answer for me
Would be to make one, I know I can do it.
Yes, a round tooit, I’ll make one; it’s easy, you’ll see,
Just as soon as I get around to it.