I met him down the footy club, he said his name was Stan,
And he told me, just in passing, of this ‘get rich quickly’ plan
That could make a bloke a fortune, it was easier than sin,
And if I shouted him a beer, then he might just cut me in.
With a carton, we were headed back to my place in a flash.
I had visions of this penthouse, and me pockets oozing cash.
But no sooner had I let that rotten bludger through me doorway,
Than he shoved me in the corner and uttered one word, Amway!
The next thing I remember was this mesmerizing spiel.
His mumbo jumbo spelling out fantastic Amway deals.
I didn’t see it coming, he was ruthless through and through,
So by six o’clock next morning, I was selling Amway too.
Now here’s a little tip should you ever want to try it,
‘Don’t bloody bother, ‘cause no-one wants to buy it’!
He told me it was easy, I’d be raking in the brass,
But the only thing I’ve noticed is, me friends are dropping fast.
Now everyone avoids me, and I’ve got blisters on me feet
From chasing after people crossing over down the street.
I’ve tried the ‘starving kids’ routine, the tragic tales of sorrow,
The threats that if they didn’t buy, I’d come again tomorrow.
But nothing seems to work, and at this reckless rate,
I’m odds on to be murdered by some really pissed off mate.
And that bloke who signed me up, is over in Fiji.
(I half suspect his holiday came courtesy of me).
Apparently, he’s lecturing to some world-wide convention.
But I bet the sneaky bugger still neglects to mention,
How anyone who signs up, and shakes his greasy hand,
Just happens to contract the plague that afflicts the Amway Man!
I’ve got cartons in me kitchen, bottles in me bed.
Me house is now a depot, and I’m living down the shed.
Me missus couldn’t hack it. She bolted in disgrace.
(So as she left, I sold her a new cosmetic case).
Now you might all be wonderin, ‘How much lower can he get’?
Well, I’m really quite pathetic, and you ain’t seen nothing yet,
‘cause on behalf of Amway, I’d like to make it known
That today I’m selling specials, on this very Amway poem.
With every product of mine that you choose to buy,
I’ll throw in a copy of this Amway poem to try!
But I know you want more, so stay right where you are,
And I’ll go and get those samples from the back seat of my car.
Aagh! Somebody stop me, I’ve lost my self control.
I’m the prince of proposition, but I’ve gone and sold me soul.
Well I’m sick of playing solitaire, I’m heading off tonight.
I’m dumping all this Amway stuff. I’ve booked a Qantas flight.
I’m gonna be re-programmed, by these gurus overseas
Who are marketing a product, that should sell itself with ease….
And at least compared to Amway, there’ll be fewer people shun me.
I’m off to join the Mormons, and I’ll be ’round to see ya’ Sund’y! |
