Homework 15/7/20

All Registered Forum Users can participate in the writing exercises for the current fortnight.
Users can also participate in comment and constructive feedback in this Workshop.

Moderator: Shelley Hansen

Post Reply
Neville Briggs
Posts: 6946
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:08 pm
Location: Here

Homework 15/7/20

Post by Neville Briggs » Sat Jul 04, 2020 10:59 am

THAT'S WHAT'S THE MATTER


Outside my window by the driveway fence
the sweet grevillea grows.
Its lacy leaves and blooms of cream and red
wave bright spikes to the breeze.

Each dawn the shy red-wattle bird will come
to search the bristle blooms,
In nervous haste he worries out the nectar
with restless probing pecks.
Then bees with earnest busyness swarm round
As nature feeds their need.

That what's the matter.

They need a driveway clear for cars to park.
They need to show a neat cream coloured fence.
They need a space to park the wheelie bins.
They need to clear away grevillea growth.

That's what's the matter.
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

User avatar
Shelley Hansen
Posts: 2224
Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 5:39 pm
Location: Maryborough, Queensland
Contact:

Re: Homework 15/7/20

Post by Shelley Hansen » Sat Jul 04, 2020 6:33 pm

Oh Neville, as a bird, bee and bush lover, this brought tears to my eyes.

That is indeed what's the matter! :cry:
Shelley Hansen
Lady of Lines
http://www.shelleyhansen.com

"Look fer yer profits in the 'earts o' friends,
fer 'atin' never paid no dividends."
(CJ Dennis "The Mooch o' Life")

User avatar
Catherine Lee
Posts: 1304
Joined: Mon May 14, 2012 9:47 pm
Location: Thailand

Re: Homework 15/7/20

Post by Catherine Lee » Sun Jul 05, 2020 2:06 pm

Mine too, Neville - I'm with Shelley. This is so sadly true, and the way you've written this, beginning with a delightful scene of flowers, birds and bees before bringing the reader up short with the hard facts, is excellent!

Terry
Posts: 3287
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2010 6:53 pm

Re: Homework 15/7/20

Post by Terry » Sun Jul 05, 2020 3:37 pm

Hi Neville

I really like the first section in particular it has that hint of poetry from the past about it.

Yes nothing is sacred is it, I think I be on the warpath if anyone attacked my Grevilleas

Terry

Neville Briggs
Posts: 6946
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:08 pm
Location: Here

Re: Homework 15/7/20

Post by Neville Briggs » Mon Jul 06, 2020 10:21 am

Thanks Shelley, We used to lie in bed each morning and watch the honeyeaters fossick around in the bush. The neighbour used to trim the the grevillea back now and a again but then one day just pulled them out roots and all. :cry:

Thanks Catherine. A change of mood was my aim.

Thanks Terry. The first section doesn't rhyme, it is blank verse ( ala Shakespeare ) but hopefully scans, it's not free verse. I assume that in a workshop we can do stuff that is not necessarily polished and " proper". workshops are untidy places where things are trial and error perhaps :) :) My aim was to bring out some poetic expressions other than the usual end rhymes which I couldn't quite work into the mood. My favourite guide is Les Murray's saying " Prose is description, poetry is presence" I might get somewhere near that one day :lol:
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

Terry
Posts: 3287
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2010 6:53 pm

Re: Homework 15/7/20

Post by Terry » Fri Jul 17, 2020 12:59 pm

Hi Neville

I think that in a way we are all looking for something different,
Bush poetry has changed and continues to do so.
I know you have been experimenting with different styles,
while I haven't progressed past just thinking about it.
I have always loved some of the poetry from the past,
it has something about it that appeals to me.
One of my favorites is 'Tarantella',
Possible because I learnt it when part of a reciting group,
that took part in inter school competitions.

So who knows perhaps I'l eventually try something different,
perhaps writing lyrics for instance?

Terry

Neville Briggs
Posts: 6946
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:08 pm
Location: Here

Re: Homework 15/7/20

Post by Neville Briggs » Fri Jul 17, 2020 5:49 pm

Gooday Terry. I like to try different things that I read about. Since I was a kid I have fiddled about trying to make things I see in books and trying to do art work that I see around .

I have lost interest in poetry competitions. When I see the winning entries in bush poetry I realize that I can't be a player in that field.


Trying the old styles I think is a good thing I think, we can't build on nothing. The latest mob fad of destroying the past is a rubbish idea and will leave us adrift. The past has a lot to teach us, I think. Like the bible says about the learned person " bringing out treasures old and new ".

Have a go at lyrics, that sounds a beauty. !!! :)
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

Terry
Posts: 3287
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2010 6:53 pm

Re: Homework 15/7/20

Post by Terry » Fri Jul 17, 2020 8:49 pm

Hi Neville

Speaking about competitions I think they were a great way to learn the art of writing metered poetry.
Especially when the judging used to be very strict, but even that has changed a lot these days.
I also feel that although the writing standards achieved by top writers is at an all time high,
I can't help but think that in some ways, we've lost some of the poetic use of words and language from the past -
probably me just getting old and grumpy.
I know you have been involved in painting etc. That's something I have always had the urge to have a go at,
and have again been seriously thinking about - at my age I had better get cracking.

Terry

User avatar
Maureen K Clifford
Posts: 8047
Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:31 am
Location: Ipswich - Paul Pisasale country and home of the Ipswich Poetry Feast
Contact:

Re: Homework 15/7/20

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Sat Jul 18, 2020 9:31 am

A nice 'different' Neville I like what you've done - always sad that it is nature that misses out at the whim of man. I have grevilleas in bloom right outside my bedroom window as well and though I curse the birds scratching early morning on the window hoods - it is pure delight to see them hopping around the bushes supping the nectar.

Nicely done Neville and nothing is set in concrete here.
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/


I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

Post Reply