Homework 26/10/20 SOCIAL DISTANCING

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Neville Briggs
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Homework 26/10/20 SOCIAL DISTANCING

Post by Neville Briggs » Sun Oct 25, 2020 7:57 pm

SOCIAL DISTANCING

The boys line up for class, on Stalag-grey
hard tar. For teachers, all the boys alike
are uniforms of red and grey, with ties.
Conforming with a pocket crest belies
that there are boys who must remain unlike,
and different still to-day as yesterday.


The modern boys are tanned and confident
not shrinking like the boy who’s pale and shy,
whose closest friend can’t speak as others talk.
And difference is a sin that cannot walk
a school yard where the jungle rules apply
to any weakness or impediment.


But those who walk in difference, stand alone.
Last edited by Neville Briggs on Mon Oct 26, 2020 8:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

Terry
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Re: Homework 26/10/20 SOCIAL DISTANCING

Post by Terry » Mon Oct 26, 2020 12:34 pm

Hi Neville
I think you might be suggesting - we're really sort of pack animals aren't we;
so, stay with the herd, or it's a hard row to hoe for those decide to go solo?

Terry

Neville Briggs
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Re: Homework 26/10/20 SOCIAL DISTANCING

Post by Neville Briggs » Mon Oct 26, 2020 5:19 pm

G'day Terry. I struggled with this, and it really needs more work perhaps, because the time was up I put it on for homework. Tried to go with the brief for personal experience. ;)
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

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Catherine Lee
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Re: Homework 26/10/20 SOCIAL DISTANCING

Post by Catherine Lee » Mon Oct 26, 2020 5:45 pm

Ooh, Neville, this is good - it reminds me so clearly of several people and incidents in my own past, starting from way back in school days... I am particularly struck by those last four very strong and poignant lines. The contrast between the crowd and those who are different is put across really well, and the Stalag-grey hard tar is a nice touch; I think this is a cleverly written piece of personal experience!

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Shelley Hansen
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Re: Homework 26/10/20 SOCIAL DISTANCING

Post by Shelley Hansen » Mon Oct 26, 2020 9:54 pm

Wow, Neville, this is excellent writing! From a poetic point of view I particularly like the rhyme scheme and structure. This one could well succeed in an open genre poetry competition, such as the Adelaide Plains or Lambing Flat (sadly, both closed now for this year).

As for the content, like Catherine, I can relate. I wasn't a particularly sporty kid (though I did play tennis) and I got good academic results - two things that made me a target for bullies. Now and then I also came to their notice by not running with the pack. There were some nasty moments, particularly at the all girls' high school I attended.

That line "those who walk in difference stand alone" is so powerful. When I read it, I felt its impact in quite a physical way.

Cheers
Shelley
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Neville Briggs
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Re: Homework 26/10/20 SOCIAL DISTANCING

Post by Neville Briggs » Fri Oct 30, 2020 11:20 am

Thanks for the feedback Shelley. You remarks are too kind. I am glad that you could see that it is about bullying. ( Bullying teachers as well as bullying boys ) I read recently someone who pointed out that imagination contains the word image, and my quest is to find a way to make a language of images.
It's not easy. I envy those great poets who could do it so well, such as Matthew Arnold's Dover Beach.


Thanks Catherine, for the positive reply. Robert Frost expressed it wonderfully in his famous poem The Road Not Taken .
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

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Shelley Hansen
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Re: Homework 26/10/20 SOCIAL DISTANCING

Post by Shelley Hansen » Sat Oct 31, 2020 3:39 pm

Arnold's Dover Beach is indeed a brilliant piece of writing, Neville.

Likewise for Frost - that made all the difference! :D

Sometimes I read these lines and think what genius it was that spawned their composition! I have just read a novel by Joanna Cannon titled Three Things About Elsie - it is one of the most brilliantly crafted books I have ever read. It is populated by word-rich phrases that just made me stop and think "How did she think of that?" as well as being a great story. Yet it has an economy of words - not lengthy or flowery descriptions, but each word picture just right!

Highly recommend it for readers of either gender, especially pertinent to us seniors! I doubt my younger self would have appreciated it fully.

Cheers
Shelley
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"Look fer yer profits in the 'earts o' friends,
fer 'atin' never paid no dividends."
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Maureen K Clifford
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Re: Homework 26/10/20 SOCIAL DISTANCING

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Sun Nov 01, 2020 11:22 am

Your poem touched my heart Neville - reading it I was channelling my little (6' 7") brother who was mercilessly teased at school for being different (stupid) and was always being picked on - turned out he was deaf, unbeknown to us all because he had learnt to lip read and to memorize stories so that when asked to stand up and read in class he could give it a pretty fair go. As he had grown his adenoids had grown and blocked off his hearing. Stupid he wasn't, going on to be a Warrant Officer in the RAAF.

Difference is a sin indeed and schoolyards are still jungles sadly.
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I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

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