certainly not politically correct but there was no PC way back when! (In the days of guzzunders) Guzzunder Blunder.
©Ron Boughton. July ’22.
Somewhere out in the scrub, in a dilapidated town
Where mostly all the residents, could often wear a frown
When if they happened to pass old Jeb and his missus Nell
Their nostrils were savaged by a most offensive smell!
For Jeb and Nell on average only washed about once a year
Plus being mean and ornery, they’d cuss and spit and sneer!
Their gums were sorta’ green, where long ago teeth had once been!
Resulting nothing less …than halitosis quite obscene!
B.O. they raised above the norm’! Even the dunny man
Had cause to take offence, and refused to collect their pan!
But this didn’t worry Jeb because their rough as guts old shack
Was on the edge of town with an old mine shaft at the back!
The dunny now was obsolete, and guzzunders were the go,
With contents pitched down the shaft each couple of days or so!
And with a bit of practice, that really …wasn’t very wise
They’d pitch it from the window, and oh gawd! The swarming flies!
The council aldermen declared their presence did detract,
From any tourist dollars to the town they could attract!
So of these putrid yokels, they could quietly be rid,
It would at least for all the town, be worth a million quid!
But nothing seemed to come to mind, no answer obvious,
That is without the townsfolk being dodgy devious!
But liberation was at hand, and filled all hearts with glee,
And, quite unexpected was, the guzzunders held the key!
With hygiene non-existent, being averse to the tub,
They’d long been barred, from both, the local Pub and Bowling Club!
So Jeb then built a still and brewed a wicked rotgut booze,
That totally addled the brain and just a nip would rot your shoes!
But trouble brewed one stormy night when lightning hit the still
And all that evil liquor, started gushing in a spill!
A frantic stricken Jeb, so desperate to save his brew!
Filled any containers found, including …guzzunders too!
He stuck them back beneath the bed, to bottle sometime soon,
But guzzling remnants of the spill, his brain passed in a swoon!
He crashed out on the bed, and good intentions disappeared,
As Nell came in with candle light and, on her face she speared,
She’d slipped on slops those guzzunders dropped, as they’d overflowed,
Then as flame from the candle dropped, oh boy, did they explode!
And then the still and grog went up in one almighty blast!
That blew the filthy hut and contents upwards …ultrafast!
For all townsfolk who witnessed, the fireworks that stormy night
And saw the forms of Jeb and Nell there, blasting out of site!
Would say, St. Pete had only sent, a really strong downdraft
As their cart-wheeling corpses vanished, down the old mine shaft,
Earth moving dozers quickly, pushed the huts remains down too
Then concrete plants worked overtime and filled that mine ensue!
And now the town is prosperous as tourists flock to see,
A giant guzzunder statue ...where a mine shaft used to be!
