ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

It had to happen....croc is on a zillion acre property fixing flood damaged fences, so there's no humans within coo-ee to argue with. A particular Brahman steer has taken umbridge, firstly at croc's 4wd. Naturally croc took umbrage at this. And so the power struggle began. First up the steer ('the smart little *@!"!!') tried chasing the ute...attack from the rear. So challenged, croc slammed on the brakes. 'That'll teach the smart little *@!"!!'. The somewhat bewildered yet clever steer rethinks his approach overnight, & first up next day charges front on. croc gives no quarter...picks up speed, slams on the headlights & blows the horn & whoops out the window. 'That'll teach the smart little *@!"!!'. Another thoughtful night for the further bemused steer.

Now, croc is already battling assorted other reptiles domiciled in flood trash, glued together with silt, over the barbed wire. He began hauling it off with his (gloved) hands, but when a 5 foot unidentified but surely lethal snake charged out of one pile he was grabbing at, he adapted...using a pitchfork. ('That's a good idea love...der!') Of course this job requires solid concentration...re taipans, blacks, browns etc lurking 'in' the fences. So...he's totally focused on the job at hand (& well away from his 4wd) when he hears da dump da dump da dumpity dumpity behind him. He knows what it is, but that curious human tendency towards denial & 'getting the bloody job done!' impairs his reaction time a tad. Finally, a slow turn of the head reveals 'the smart little *@!"!!' galloping at a rate of knots towards croc, & in full view of his harem of heifers...'bloody showoff !' Quick thinking comes to croc's aid, & where a rational person would get going...sharpish...croc stares him down a while (thinks he's bloody Dundee?) & then ducks behind a tree...sideways....so to all intents & purposes, to the steer, he's disappeared! The steer props & looks around, & would doubtless scratch his head... if he was able....Not being content with having totally humiliated 'the smart little *@!"!!' in front of his entire harem, croc leaps out from behind the tree & scares the beejeezus outta the steer with his whooping & hollering & arm waving etc. Total disgrace pursues the quickly retreating steer.

This is only day 3. That steer has a very thoughtful night ahead...Stay tuned. He's a pretty determined steer, & he does NOT like croc.....(??)

...

Perhaps ol’ Croc should steer clear of that paddock for a bit.

Hey Croc is ya missus saying you look scarier than that old bullock.

TTFN

say G'day to croc for me Glenny, reminds me of a time at my brother-in-laws property at Mundubbera, we were walking down to the dam along the fence line when this cantankerous old bull came out of nowhere charging us, now as I was in front the 'bro-in-law' says just stare him down and yell at him & it will be OK, so muggins here did just that but the bull didn't miss a stride, so I quickly did a side movement (like croc) behind a tree & let my brother-in-law deal with him, my 'mate' in one quick bound sailed over the fence out of harms way, did I take his advice again......no way chum!!.

According to my ex you can also eyeball snakes and they won't move as long as you keep eye contact, giving the MOTH time to get the rifle and dispose of them. My argument was how did I know the snake had read the same book.

Perhaps croc should try the softly softly approach and appeal to the little steers better side - which I suspect is on the opposite side of the fence...oh right...forgot there is no fence...that's what croc is doing.. Sorry no suggestions - think Dave's response is probably best.

Good to see you back for a bit Glenny - say g'day to croc from me.

Cheers

Maureen

Good one Dave...steer clear...ooh ha whoo he ha!

G'daay David...ooh that sounds like a very 'narrow' escape...like Maureen says...there was no fence for croc to jump! (G'day Maureen. I passed on your good wishes to croc & he says 'goodonya girl.')

I forgot the best part. Before 'the smart little *@!"!!' bawled off over the paddock...croc had stood in front of the fence that he'd just repaired, & the blighter charged right through the 5 strands...hence his hasty & painful retreat....with croc laughing his head off...until he realised he had to do the job over again!!

Hey Glenny - Can just imagine Croc doing that!!! Can't wait to hear what the little *@!!%! comes up with for him tomorrow!!! Say hi to him for me.

I went to help a a guy out with some cattle work once. One of the cows with a calf had lupinosis, and went a bit crazy while we were bringing them in on horseback - charged his horse, etc - but we eventually got them all into the yards. Then we were on the ground separating some of them, and he gave me a nice length of black poly pipe - wasn't quite sure what it was for!! - until the cow charged me. Not wanting to look like a whoos, I stood my ground - shaking in my boots!! - swung the polypipe, and managed to send it off elsewhere. (Don't worry - I didn't hit it!! ) Next minute, it went Neville, and, in no time flat, he was up on the top of the cattle yard fence!! Believe me, it didn't take me long to follow suite - if it was good enough for him to get out the way, I wasn't going to be a hero!! Give me a horse any day!!!

Good to see you back Glenny - hope all is well in your world, and that Croc is not still working you too hard!!

Catchya
IRene

G'daaay IRene!!!
Loverley to hear from you. (I love your avatar...so cute.) Cattle? I know the feeling. I was at the local Monday auction, peacefully perusing the pens when one silly cow...literally.... decided she wasn't going to stay penned up, & she just levitated, & up & over a flamin' 6 foot high wooden fence & into the crowd. I was first up to the top of that flamin' fence, whence she had come. (I figured that was the last place she'd turn to.)

With croc out there & me down here, I am currently enjoying utter peace....no full on English brekkies to cook, & no screaming in the middle of the night....because one of us snores...I ain't saying who... but which one of us screams the loudest??

I'm orf to script 'Day 4'...it's a goodun. (The power struggle continues.)

Cheeers
Glenny

G'daaay Martboy! We musta crossed in transit....

What's this...what's this you say?? Plagiarism!! Ah, but does he have a bronze crocodile on his ute's bonnet? (My croc's is a nut cracker...no pun intended) so the bronze croc's gob rattles open & shut as (my) croc bounds over all & sundry in his path. It's an experience...like most to do with croc.

I'd better get (my) croc copywrited. (te he)

Cheeers
Glenny

Hey Martyboy. I'd love to get the two of them together & video it. Can you imagine it? (Political correctness forbids my posting croc's last 'interview'.) I can't wait to tell him. He'll think it's a hoot. Any further misdemeanours he commits he can now slide over to your croc. What an amazing co-incidence really, what with (my) croc being a poet too.

Goodonyamate.
Glenny

I wrote a poem called 'Bard Spar'. Have you been reading my mail?