I'm Watching From Above

[Irene]

A couple of days ago, we discovered that a friend of ours was found dead after going missing just before Christmas. He had committed suicide after many years of depression following the death of his son.
Whenever people speak of suicide, there are many who cannot understand how a person can be so selfish, and put their family and friends through such pain. My belief is that, unless we have walked in their shoes, we should not judge them for their actions.
Back in 2010, my husbands niece lost her husband to suicide after a long battle with Bipolar disease, and I wrote the following poem after hearing her father, and a couple of other family members expressing those same thoughts - how could he do that???
I would like to think that the words may encourage others to try to understand a little why a person does what they do, even if we don't believe we would ever do it ourselves.
My friend rang me tonight after spending considerable time looking on the internet for words to go on a card for his funeral, that said what she wanted to say. She then received my email that I had sent with the poem in it, and has asked to use that. I feel honoured that she wishes to use my words at such a sad occasion for them, but also hope that they will bring some comfort to anyone who has gone through the pain of losing a loved one to suicide.

I’m Watching From Above
© Irene Conner 18/03/10

Please judge me not for what I’ve done,
nor think me not a man
for I have fought a long, hard fight
in ev’ry way I can.
My heart is now too weary and
the path ahead too steep,
but know that, tho’ I’ve left your world,
I hold you when you weep.

You’ve been beside me all the way;
you’ve walked my highs and lows;
You’ve carried me within your love
in ways nobody knows.
I’ve fought the demons in my mind –
they will not lay to rest
but I have shared myself with you
in ways you all know best.

Remember not the troubled times
that we now leave behind.
It’s in the happy times we shared
my spirit you will find.
Please feel again my arms wrapped ‘round
enfolding you with love
and know that, in another form
I’m watching from above.


Rest in Peace Kevin - and all those who could see no light at the end of the tunnel. May you find the peace that you seek.

[william williams]

Thank you Irene your words may help to understand the torment that is there in their life thank you once again Irene

Bill Williams

[Zondrae]

Happy New Year Irene,

You have done a brilliant job here. It could well be the thoughts and words of someone who has reached the absolute end of their endurance. I have known a couple of very young men who have taken their own lives. We (well I guess I can really only speak for myself), cannot understand the desolation they must feel in order to take that final step. I know I would not have the guts to do it. Your poem may be a small comfort to those left behind.

[Heather]

A beautiful, heartfelt poem Irene. I have also been touched by suicide and it is tragic for those left behind. You can't judge those that use suicide to end their pain. It is hard for those left behind because they not only have to deal with the grief but often with anger and perhaps guilt as well. It's not something you would wish on anyone.

Heather

[Neville Briggs]

You made a good job of a very difficult subject Irene.

One of the strongest instincts we have is to survive, people will go to extraordinary lengths in order to live and not die. So to turn this around into a mind to choose death is a very great mystery which I have thought about often, having to deal with the aftermath of this event many times.

Good to hear from you again Irene, I always enjoy your writing. All the best for the New Year.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Beautiful words Irene that may indeed bring some comfort to those who are left behind with the question 'why' forever on their lips.

[Irene]

Thank you.
Yes Zondrae - although I haven't been there myself, when I wrote the poem, I wondered what Mark would have wanted to say to his family and friends to answer their questions on 'why', and to bring them some comfort.

I also don't understand why - as Neville says, our instinct is to fight to survive - but I feel that they are not being selfish at all, just that they see no other way out of the black hole, or no light at the end of the tunnel and the fight to do so just becomes too difficult. And many people who commit suicide truly believe that their family would be better off without them - without the constant ups and downs and darkness that comes into the family relationships of people in the grip of a deep depression.

My friend, when we spoke last night, feels that it takes a strange sort of courage to take your life - because it is against all our instincts - and feels so very sad that he was out in the bush alone when he did it, and how he must have been feeling at that time. You can be surrounded by so much love from friends and family, but if it is unable to penetrate a heart that is irretrievably damaged, and locked firmly in the darkness, it will be unable to stop a person from taking their own life.

[Terry]

Beautifully written Irene,

It's always very sad to lose a friend.

Regards Terry

[Maureen K Clifford]

Personally I agree with your friend Irene, when the word courage is mentioned. My FIL committed suicide with a rifle we didn't even know he owned, his son (my ex) called him a coward, but Dad was never a coward - he fought in the middle east and on the Kokoda track in WWII- we still ask why because none of us knew of his inner devils..he drank to much but never spoke of any inner turmoil and was a loving grandpa, father and husband with no problems. All we can put it down to is what we now call post traumatic stress probably as a result of his war service. My son remembers his Granddad with loving thoughts and that is how it should be, and he believes him to be a good and honourable man albeit a bit of a larrikin and that also is as it should be.

My condolences to you and to your friends family, and I hope that Kev found the peace for which he was searching. The time and place of his passing was of his own choosing - that is not such a bad thing in some ways.

Stay strong Mate

Cheers

Maureen

[mummsie]

Beautifully written words Irene.Words that I'm sure will bring some comfort to the family of your friend.
Suicide will always remain a subject that is hard to get our heads around, as someone has already stated, until you have walked the path of the troubled, you'll never know. Again, beautifully chosen words.

Cheers
Sue