ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

This poem was triggered, partly by some of the weekly topic, and partly by a decision I have just made to quit my job - after a couple of years of procrastinating - and with no firm plans in place of what I am going to do.

Crossroads
© Irene Conner 25.05.12

I remember when I lived a life that gave me time to think,
to do the things that fanned my inner fire;
that gave me satisfaction,
didn’t drive me to distraction;
left my soul at peace and took my spirit higher.

There were rides out in the open racing zephyrs on my mare
and peaceful walks through shady bushland glade.
My love could flow no wider
as the bond ‘tween horse and rider
gently soothed the ends of nerves when they were frayed.

There was time for contemplation in the silence of the night
and when the dawns pink glow lit up the sky.
Life’s questions I could ponder
when my mind was free to wander,
and the ‘knowing’ deep within me would reply.

But unwittingly, I stepped upon a treadmill to disaster
that crept beneath my feet in silent stealth.
It stole my joy in living,
pressured by the task of giving
out to others with no care for my own health.

Just an hour or two of extra work, a club position gained,
and suddenly, my time was not my own.
The hours of work got longer
and my sense of loss got stronger,
and too soon, the best years of my life had flown.

But, by chance, my axis shifted just enough to give a glimpse
of how my life one day would maybe look –
at life’s end… full of sorrow
for things put off ‘till tomorrow,
and at last, those scary sideway steps I took.

Now I’m standing at a crossroad with no picture in my head
of what will happen when the old door closes.
Lack will no longer scare me
for I’ll happily declare the
time is right for me to stop and smell the roses.

Breathe deep the scent of those roses Irene; they are sweet. Tomorrow is another day and the sun will rise, the world will turn and you will love it. Live every day to the fullest.

Heather

Great construct Irene (great sentiments too) ...
and I love your 'adventure' with the feminine end-rhyme here ...

Just a little 'pickie' if I may ...

The last Stanza ...
"That lack no longer scares me
for I’ll happily declare the"

The rhyme is actually on the 'scares' and 'declare' (which purists would frown on)
A more 'proper' rhyming would be either scares me/declares the, or scare me/declare the.

So, one suggestion would be ....
"Lack will no longer scare me
for I’ll happily declare the"

A great piece, without doubt - WELL DONE ...

Hope that helps ...

Hi Irene,
I'm off on Friday, glad I didn't miss this one.

All the best in your future endeavors, I'm sure whatever trail you choose to follow,
it will be the right one for you.

Terry

Firstly congrats on making the great escape you won't regret it and may also find as a bonus that in real terms you are not as financially deprived as you thought you might be - emotionally your health will benefit as will everything else and your words capture it well.

Good on you Irene - hope you have time now to see the blessings in every day - I am really happy for you

Cheers

Maureen

...well and truly up to your usual standard Irene.......you are tending to make me rush my...our life change programmed for the end of the year....it can't get here soon enough!
great stuff as usual Irene!

Beautiful write Irene. You will be surprised how quickly those hours you spent working will be filled by more important and self worth projects, such as family and writing. You'll find yourself waking one day and asking yourself "how did I ever have time for a job?"
One can almost feel the relief between the lines, you have made the right decision Irene.
Go well!!!

Cheers
Sue

Thank you everyone - quitting my job has been a really difficult decision to make, especially as I haven't got something to go to, and because I really do like what I do. However, there is a job I have seen advertised a few times over the last couple of years, and each time I see it, I think 'that's what I want to do!!' It is working in a refuge for women and children from domestic violence environments. Who knows?? May well put in an application next time it comes up!!

Heather - now I have made the decision, I feel lighter already!! I will eventually look for another job, and will actually give them about 10 weeks notice on this one - as I don't have a 2IC to step up to the position - but am very much looking forward to it now. Mind you, still feels a little surreal at the moment - as I have been doing this job (among others) for about 14-15yrs now.

Mandred - I wondered who was going to pick that up!! I wrote the last couple of stanzas on my way home from Geraldton today - then had to head off to work. Thought I would polish it at a later date!! Caught out!! But I like your suggestion - that was the thing I wasn't happy about, just didn't have time to consider an alternative!! Thanks.

Terry - have fun out bush. I received your email just now, so will return that tomorrow night. (Ready for bed now - it's been a long few days taking my Dad to Geraldton for a cataract op.)

Maureen - As mentioned earlier, I will eventually look for another job, but I hope it will be a part-time one. I have been feeling really tired and drained for awhile now, but putting off making this decision. I am hoping to get back to working with people in a way that I feel would help make a difference in their lives, though not looking at returning to clinical nursing. But first - some time out, and start enjoying life again.

Ross, good to hear you are looking at making changes too. With you away working so much, it must be very difficult for you and your family.

Sue - I am hoping that is what is going to happen!! I have two horses that I have probably only ridden maybe twice (and short rides at that!!) in the last couple of years, some war diaries for a pilot from WW2 that I have been going to finish re-typing and editing for about 3years (getting worried he will die before I get them done!!), a book to put together, lots of things to organise at home and around our block, writing.......... and the list goes on!!! Not to mention quality time with my beautiful grand-daughter!!

Catchya
IRene

Hi Irene good on you, I have seen where and how you work there are a lot of people out there who owe much to Irene Conner but you can not keep giving forever, you must have time for yourself. Like you say smell the roses and recharge.
Them Granddaghters'll do it for ya.

Catchya somewhere on the Merry go Round.

Dave.

Awwww, Dave - thanks for your vote of confidence!!
Funny you should mention grand-daughters - it was an incident to do with her that reminded me of how skewed my perspective had become. My son had rung to say that he and Lila would be down on the weekend if that was ok, and my first thought was "Oh damn, there goes all the things I had to do on the weekend!!" I was horrified that I could even think that, especially as none of the things I planned to do were even for me. They were work related, two lots of minutes to type up, and a newsletter - all for work and groups. The thought didn't last for long, but didn't like that fact that it was there!!

Marty - that was the problem - it wasn't happening!!! At least, not efficiently, and always rushed!!!!
Yep, I am hoping that when I have time to sit quietly again, I will get back to writing some half-way decent poems again.

Catchya
Irene