The Elfrecso Encounter.

[thestoryteller]

THE ELFRESCO ENCOUNTER.

This alfresco style of drinking at the local rubberdy
is a bonzer way of chilling out and suits a bloke like me.
All that fresh air one is breathing mate is pretty hard to beat
and you get to view the goings on along that busy street.

Then this toffee nosed old woman stepped from out her motor car
with this pooncey little poodle and she hadn’t gone that far
when she stopped and stared right at me and that awful beady stare
proved she didn’t like the look of me and gave me quite a scare.

“I see that it’s quite obvious that you like drinking sir
and your preference is amber ale, to this do you concur?”
“Well you’re spot on love I’d have to say and nailed it on the head,”
thinking my reply would calm her down. But burred her up instead.

“Tell me, how much do you drink a day while at this exercise?”
And the way she put the question sort of took me by surprise.
“I would say I drink three schooners on a daily basis dear.”
Then how much would they be costing you? I goodly sum I fear!”

“They would cost about five dollars love or close enough there to.”
“And how long have you been drinking this vile wasteful amber brew?”
“I would say on twenty years now love, yes twenty years I’d say.”
Then she really let me have it with an endless verbal spray.

“If a beer cost you five dollars then and daily you have three,
then each month you spend four fifty odd and it then seems to me
that within a year you do outlay a rather tidy sum,
nearly five and a half thousand sir, that’s by my rule of thumb.”

“You are pretty good at maths,” I said “to calculate that lot,
but why get in a pickle and your nickers in a knot?”
“I am far from finished yet young man for in those twenty years
you have squandered a small fortune and I should box both your ears.

As one hundred and eight thousand is, the sum you’ve squandered son
and I sense you’ve never thought about just what you could have done.
If you’d thought man to invest it and accrued the int’rest due
you would now own a Ferrari but you wasted it on brew.”

“I suggest you’re not a drinker love and that you’ve made quite clear?”
“Not a single drop has passed these lips Not one drop do you hear!”
I had taken all that I could take from this old broody hen
when I hinted quite sarcastic’ly, “Where’s YOUR Ferrari then?”

Merv Webster.