ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

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A good catharsis - something that needed to come out perhaps IMO and done very well. You write beautifully. This is full of sadness and yet joy and touches of humour emerge and it is tender and caring. The ending was perfect for all concerned. Well done

Cheers

Maureen

Maureen K Clifford wrote:A good catharsis - something that needed to come out perhaps IMO and done very well. You write beautifully. This is full of sadness and yet joy and touches of humour emerge and it is tender and caring. The ending was perfect for all concerned. Well done

Cheers

Maureen

Thanks Maureen, - I was one of the luckier ones in that I found a way of communicating that worked for my mother and me without causing her distress. In a strange way, it was something of a privilege, in that as each layer of experience and memory was stripped away, I was then left with the person she was at that time in her life, unaffected by later experiences. Very much like I imagine going back in time would be. To her, that world was real, I just needed to accept that.
Over time I became very adept at doing that.

The most distressing parts for me, were firstly that so many others had no visitors, ever, - not that many of them would recognise them anyhow, but even worse, families and individuals who did visit but simply could not deal with it and yet still tried to communicate with someone who was no longer there. Their palpable distress and the mental scarring that would leave was quite devastating to see.

Controversially to some, I am firmly of the view that is cruelty to keep people alive in those circumstances. Had I been able, I would have ended my mothers life rather than see her go through the panic, aggression, confusion, sadness, inability to understand why this was happening to her and loss of dignity that was so important to her. That would have been kinder.

Prior to that, I had an adverse view of that those who couldn't bear to visit their loved ones in those circumstances. Having experienced it, I have something of a gentler more understanding view these days.

Martyboy wrote:G'day Henry ,

my Father Tom passed away last year after suffering dementia , I didnt go and see Dad once he went into the hostel , it was something I couldnt deal with , it is not something I regret,just something I couldnt do. The last time I was able to sit with Dad over a drink and a few yarns is forever etched in my memory and the way I want to remember Dad . Dad left a fantastic legacy for us kids with a love of the bush , a tradition that I keep alive wth my own kids and now my grandson . People deal with things in different ways and there is no text book that says it has to be dealt with in a specific way. Until you are put in that position it is easy to judge others but as you say the view often softens afterwards

Really enjoying your writing mate

Marty

G'day Marty,

As you say, different people, different ways we need to handle things. I wish there had've been a textbook - I surely could have used one. Hardest thing I've ever had to go through.

Maybe it also did me some good

Oh Henry P, what a dreadful thing to have to experience. I can't imagine how much that must hurt.

G'day Kym,
It was a tough road to travel. I think what troubled me most about the whole thing was the helplessness, - standing by, watching someone you love mentally crumble and knowing there was nothing that could be done about it. My experience was probably one of the better ones, because of the nature of her disease, it did leave some parts of her mind intact, albeit they were disappearing with each sucessive stroke. So there was some communication. The vast majority dont get that. It's a scary business.

The numbers of people we have in our society that are afflicted like that is something I never realised. Growing year by year. Medical science keeps us living longer and longer so we have increasing numbers who will inevitably succumb to these diseases.

I wonder if we really can say that is progress?

Absolutely beautiful poem Henry!
I watched my mother-in-law deteriorate with dementia, and saw how hard it was for her family.
I remember being with my sister-in-law the first time that her mother didn't recognise her - up until then, she could be shown photos and start remembering some things, including the names of her children, but this day - that didn't work. It was sad to see her daughter's tears when we left her.

You have captured something some very potent emotions in your poem - and thanks for sharing it.

catchya
IRene

A sad poem with a beautiful ending Henry. We each deal with it in our own way. I think it's kinda nice that Marty remembers his father as he was.

Heather

My dad was a tough old coot and was not the one to show his feelings much, was still that way when he went into a home but lost his leg to gangrene and that was the end he never recovered.

I went to see him the day he passed away and still wish I had not, as Marty said best to remember them as they were.


Bob

I agree Marty and that was my point although I probably didn't say it that well. It's a personal decision and we must do what is best for our own peace of mind. I admire Marty for being able to make the decision he did because a lot of people would not approve or understand.

Heather

Your counselling session is now over!