ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

CONFUCIUS AND THE CROWS

Most of us at times have heard the saying “Stone the Crows”,
a hint that means the speaker is displeased.
Well, let me tell you here and now that I am one of those,
fed up with all crows from being teased.

It’s all due to Confucius, an ageing cat, a boarder at our house,
long time beneficiary of Dinner, B & B.
Strange, I can’t recall her ever having caught a mouse,
she rather dines on Whiskas all for free.

A fussy eater anytime, Confucius often leaves food in her bowl
inviting all and sundry to drop in.
Next door’s cats are genuinely pleased to fill this role
why not, with Whiskas one fifty a tin.

But now, the bush telegraph has swiftly spread the news
there’s “Master Chef” each day at our back door,
brunch and lunch and dinner, any one you choose,
come back again tomorrow there’ll be more.

Those bloody crows of course are right on to this lurk
zooming in and dining at their leisure,
an oft repeated practice that certainly does irk,
causing quite significant displeasure.

Not only do they swoop at will creating great commotion,
consistently they leave a calling sign,
not what you’d ever call a fragrant lotion
but, a pooey residue on washing on the line.

And let us not forget the screen door off its tracks,
a casualty from shooing away crows
seventy-five bucks to fix the rollers that had cracks
time has come I reckon, for crows to face the hose.

Meanwhile, her ladyship lies prone on the sun bed
oblivious to squawking all around,
she’s pretty sure come evening, again she will be fed
no sign of hypertension, this cat’s indeed unwound.

What to do from hereon in, I’m really at a loss,
my blood pressure’s on the up and up,
saddled with a feline who couldn’t give a toss
and hordes of crows that take me for a pup.


Jeff Thorpe 01 February 2012 ©

Confucius is our daughter's cat. Our daughter has left "the nest" years ago but, Confucius lingers on. She'll outlive us all, although I hope the crows will soon "get the message".

Jeff

G'day Jeff,

Good to see you posting a poem again. You have been absent for a while. Great story line. Any poem about cats is a good one. I can sympathise with you about the mess from the birds. We get that on our back deck. I suggested we paint the whole thing white but this just elicited a very black look. I could feel the daggers in my back as I walked away.

Now it's not only birds but we have Bat poo as well contend with. We must be in a flight path at certain times of the year I wondered what the brown blobs on the concrete drive were, until I heard about it on the radio.

When my old dog got a chance, she knew where to zoom in and pinch the neighbour's cat's dinner. And she made sure no birds set foot for more than a second in her patch.

Maybe you need a scarecrow. I could suggest a suitable effigy....say no more.

G'day Zondrae and Neville

Thanks for your comments. I've only five minutes ago chased a crow off the clothes line while Confucius slumbers on. Sleeps all day that cat. I often wonder what she does at night.

Jeff

SLEEPS

bill w

You're probably right Bill. She's aged about fifteen so I guess in cat's language she's surely a senior citizen

Cheers, Jeff

Don't waste money on a scarecrow - it won't work. Crows are particularly intelligent and ballsy birds with attitude. Nothing works in my experience except a rifle but crows are protected so you can't do that either....well not in suburbia

My two girls just about rip the doggie door off getting out to play with their mates and I live in terror that Mahalia will trip head first down the stairs in her hurry to reach them, but the crows are completely unperturbed and in fact are the dogs mates in a weird avian kind of way.

Learn to live with them Jeff - but don't encourage them - feed the cat indoors.

Confucius and the dog already know that the problem is unsolvable and are not wasting time worrying about it

Cheers

Maureen