Leaky Plumbing
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 7:18 pm
This verse was in response to two bouts of cancer, bowel and prostate, that slowed me up during 2011-12. Fortunately both were diagnosed early enough to be successfully treated and though there is now a little less of me than before, the upside is that there’s less that can go wrong. I posted this to my on-line fishing mates with a suggestion that though tongue in cheek, they take the underlying message seriously.
Leaky Plumbing
It began when I found I could no longer wee.
Especially during the night.
It came out in spits and sometimes in spurts,
and I thought to myself … Hell! That doesn’t seem right.
‘Cause when I was finished … I wasn’t you see
and the drip drip … drip drip … kept bothering me.
So I said to the missus “My plumbing’s affected.”
She said “Darl It’s probably badly connected.
You know - when you start to get long in the tooth,
there are signs to remind you you’re not bullet proof.
I think that it’s time an appointment we make
with the doctor. Let’s do it before it’s too late."
So we did. And when first up Doc put on a glove,
I stepped back apace and said “Hang about love!
I hope you’re not thinkin’ what I think that you’re thinkin’."
But he was. And he did. And I tell ya …fair dinkum!
The end of the bed rail I firmly took hold.
I nipped and I tucked and I squirmed and I rolled
‘till at last it was over. I sat up and waited
while he told me my prostate was largely quite dated.
“It’s not a big problem you’ll need a rebore.
Take the stress off your bladder. Won’t even be sore.
The bit we remove we’ll send off to be checked.
Make sure that it’s healthy to keep you on deck.”
But he phoned up next week - and here comes the crunch.
The news he delivered quite put me off lunch.
“The pathology’s back and you won’t like the answer.
I’m sorry to say that your prostate has cancer.
There are several treatments you’ve heard of no doubt,
and though I believe we should take it all out,
the final decision is still yours to make.
Think on what’s in store if your prostate I take.”
Then I asked him to tell me what problems I’d face
if the prostate was finally removed from its place.
He told me that guys often raised an objection
when told that they’d no longer get an erection.
So I brought in my wife to assist the decision
and she started to laugh as she spoke with derision
“I really have only one thing to remark.
He’s an old dog. It tires him even to bark.
It’s been ages since he carried on like a pup.
These days he needs splints to keep it all up.
So if leaving it in still raises a doubt
I agree with you Doc. Just take it all out."
A number of thoughts then rolled round in my head.
But finally I simply chose … not to be dead.
Now my PSA rating has dropped below one
and I’m glad I decided to get the job done.
So if your pipe’s is leaky - your wee-wee’s in strife
See your Doc early. It may just save your life.
© Warren Cox 2012
Leaky Plumbing
It began when I found I could no longer wee.
Especially during the night.
It came out in spits and sometimes in spurts,
and I thought to myself … Hell! That doesn’t seem right.
‘Cause when I was finished … I wasn’t you see
and the drip drip … drip drip … kept bothering me.
So I said to the missus “My plumbing’s affected.”
She said “Darl It’s probably badly connected.
You know - when you start to get long in the tooth,
there are signs to remind you you’re not bullet proof.
I think that it’s time an appointment we make
with the doctor. Let’s do it before it’s too late."
So we did. And when first up Doc put on a glove,
I stepped back apace and said “Hang about love!
I hope you’re not thinkin’ what I think that you’re thinkin’."
But he was. And he did. And I tell ya …fair dinkum!
The end of the bed rail I firmly took hold.
I nipped and I tucked and I squirmed and I rolled
‘till at last it was over. I sat up and waited
while he told me my prostate was largely quite dated.
“It’s not a big problem you’ll need a rebore.
Take the stress off your bladder. Won’t even be sore.
The bit we remove we’ll send off to be checked.
Make sure that it’s healthy to keep you on deck.”
But he phoned up next week - and here comes the crunch.
The news he delivered quite put me off lunch.
“The pathology’s back and you won’t like the answer.
I’m sorry to say that your prostate has cancer.
There are several treatments you’ve heard of no doubt,
and though I believe we should take it all out,
the final decision is still yours to make.
Think on what’s in store if your prostate I take.”
Then I asked him to tell me what problems I’d face
if the prostate was finally removed from its place.
He told me that guys often raised an objection
when told that they’d no longer get an erection.
So I brought in my wife to assist the decision
and she started to laugh as she spoke with derision
“I really have only one thing to remark.
He’s an old dog. It tires him even to bark.
It’s been ages since he carried on like a pup.
These days he needs splints to keep it all up.
So if leaving it in still raises a doubt
I agree with you Doc. Just take it all out."
A number of thoughts then rolled round in my head.
But finally I simply chose … not to be dead.
Now my PSA rating has dropped below one
and I’m glad I decided to get the job done.
So if your pipe’s is leaky - your wee-wee’s in strife
See your Doc early. It may just save your life.
© Warren Cox 2012