That's a good one Marty. Since this is a
poetry workshop 
I'll make a couple of comments, not because I'm an expert but just as it comes across to me as a learner.
I like the way it is clear. Clarity I believe is important in writing.
I think you have maintained energy and movement throughout, if you know what I mean, it doesn't get bogged down.
There is a lot of concrete imagery in details, things named, which I think makes this writing lively.
You seem to have made some of the metre a bit irregular, the sticklers would cavil at that. I think it gives interest and variety, adds to the movement, works for me.
That's why I say, a good one.
p.s. I had to look up tourmaline.
