Homework W/E 01/08/11 DARK THOUGHTS

[mummsie]

DARK THOUGHTS
As he closed his eyes he saw them,
in his mind so vivid now,
family huddled in the courtroom,
frozen faces question...How?
Did their father,son and brother,
find his way to foreign lands,
so convincing when he told them,
he was free from drugs demands.

He'd fought hard to beat the demons,
tried to balance right from wrong,
but his body would betray him,
giving in to needs ...so strong.
Just once more, himself he promised,
one more trip, no one would know,
memories of that day seem blurred now,
as they all do on deaths row.

Many questions still unanswered,
realisation, time is near,
homesick, frightened, wide eyes open,
charcoal darkness, full of fear.
See's his mothers face, such anguish,
feels the pain reflected there,
hears cold footsteps, guards approaching,
heart beats fast now, bows in Prayer.
Sue Pearce©

[Bob Pacey]

Hi Sue. So true I really do not feel they consider the consequences of ther actions.

I like the way this flows. The only bit that seems out of place is Hears The Lords Prayer.

I can see what you are trying to say but it seems to halt slightly ?

Maybe--- bows in prayer ?


Cheers Bob

[Maureen K Clifford]

WOW - really like this Sue, well done.

Isn't it amazing the different paths the same words lead us on. Both this poem and the one Marty did seem to have come out of left field.

Cheers

Maureen

[mummsie]

Thanks Bob and Maureen
Sometimes you wonder what makes you write about certain things, I've no idea what took me here, I looked at those words for ages before I could come up with something, I had read Marty's before I started, and it's brilliant, but then found my mind kept going down the same path. Next time I think I'll do my own before I read the others, keep my mind clear.
Bob, I guess it does come to a sudden halt, as it would if you were in this situation, and I believe the last thing you hear is the ministers blessing. I imagine after waiting so long those last minutes pass rather quickly, thats what I'm trying to get across.
Glad you enjoyed the read
Sue

[Terry]

Hi Sue,
That's very well written, I enjoyed reading it.
As Bob mentioned a minor blemish with the last line if you want to be picky.

You have two stressed syllables in a row FAST / HEARS but nothing to lose any sleep over.

Cheers Terry

[mummsie]

Thanks for that Terry, I have played with a few lines for this but none seemed to fit what I was trying to say, had a bit of a fiddle, seems better now. Thanks for the tip Bob.
Cheers
Sue

[Bob Pacey]

Remember Sue it is your poem and your decision as to what you do with the suggestions.

Still a well written and haunting poem.


Bob