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Re: Serendipity
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 9:23 am
by Neville Briggs
I like it
I think that is the sort of thing we need to do often to build up our skills in writing, but I think it could still stand on its own as a complete work.
Why are you worrying about miniscule shades of rhyme ?
In art the whole is greater than the parts, the music is greater than just playing the notes,
It works for me.
p.s. as long as line 2 in stanza 2 has..
too instead of
to 
)
Re: Serendipity
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 9:31 am
by Maureen K Clifford
and as long as we spell unrelinquishing right
That's pretty good IMO Marty you've got plenty of time to write the other verses.
Cheers
Maureen
Re: Serendipity
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 8:52 pm
by manfredvijars
Congratulations Marty, first cab off the rank - WELL DONE ...
Sorry Nev. rhyming is important - it's what we do!
I can't help but wonder if "Napoleon" and "unholy, and" are actually 'perfect' rhyme(given that 'and' is really pronounced 'an' - in the vernacular)!
What's the definition for "perfect rhyme" again??
Re: Serendipity
Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:42 am
by warooa
Yes Marty once again you're as quick as a one-armed taxi driver with the crabs
Onya, mate. I agree Manfred, about the 'Napoleon/unholy, and' rhyme being not perhaps technically perfect - one could argue this eg and other similar ones till blue in the face, but as you said, in the context of the vernacular it's perfect.
Is the full version of this posted on the forum?
Marty
Re: Serendipity
Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:05 am
by Bob Pacey
You can throw as much bait out there as you want Marty not gonna bite again ??
Robert.
Re: Serendipity
Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:54 pm
by Robyn
Well done Marty.
Robyn