Homework w/e 10.12.12 "Paper Boats"

[jakkimay]

Hi Maureen, I know I'm late with this one, but I liked the prompts so much I wanted to have a go. Blame the lead up to Christmas. 'Busy' doesn't come close.


‘Paper Boats’

She stood gazing at the puddle on a wet and windy day;
she had made a paper sail boat and would take it out to play.
The day was cold and gusty, but the rain had eased a bit
so she donned her coat and gumboots making sure they snugly fit.

The open doors were calling; she simply had to test her skill
and she wondered if her coat would keep her free from winter’s chill.
But just in case, she grabbed her hat and went out before the storm
so she could play outside for there was no sun to keep her warm.

Rainbow leaves were shining brightly, as they slowly glided past
on their way to some place distant, began to flow really fast
down the gutter by her footpath. She watched them disappear
and wondered if they’d show up somewhere else perhaps next year.

She found some smiling puddles on which to sail her paper boat
and never doubted for a moment her tiny ship would float.
She sat it down with perfection and watched it pick up speed
with the gentle breeze shifting, she saw her sail boat sail indeed

The sound of joyous laughter filled the air that glorious night
as a little girl sat watching – her face shone with sheer delight.
Her little boat sailed freely on that tiny roadside pond.
It was like the winter fairy had waved her magic wand.


© Jakki May
22.12.12

[Neville Briggs]

Goodonya Jakki.

[Maureen K Clifford]

lovely Jakki and it doesn't matter if it is late - nothing is set in concrete.

Some lovely descriptions in this - I particularly liked

Rainbow leaves were shining brightly,

and loved these lines

She found some smiling puddles on which to sail her paper boat
and never doubted for a moment her tiny ship would float.

I think this is one of those poems that appeals to a wide audience and if you polish it a little as Zondrae would say - it will shine

I found it a little glitchy in parts when read out loud but nothing that couldn't be smoothed out. It is quite delightful and thank you so much for participating.

Enjoy your Christmas Jakki

Cheers

Maureen

[jakkimay]

Thank you Maureen, I'll work on those glitches.

You have a wonderful Christmas too.

Jakki

[jakkimay]

Hi Maureen, I think I've worked out the glitches and look forward to your comments.
Cheers, Jakki

‘Paper Boats’

She stood gazing at the puddle on a wet and windy day;
she had made a paper sail boat and would take it out to play.
The day was cold and gusty, but the rain had eased a bit
so she donned her coat and gumboots making sure they snugly fit.

The open doors were calling; she simply had to test her skill
and she wondered if her coat would keep her free from winter’s chill.
But just in case, she grabbed her hat and gloves to keep her warm
So she could float her boat outside before the coming storm.

Rainbow leaves were shining brightly, as they quickly glided past
on their way to some place distant, they were flowing really fast
down the gutter by her footpath. She watched them disappear
and wondered if they’d show up somewhere else perhaps next year.

She found some smiling puddles on which to sail her paper boat
and never doubted for a moment her tiny ship would float.
She sat it down upon the water and watched it pick up speed.
The gentle breeze was shifting. She saw her sailboat sail indeed!

The sound of joyous laughter filled the air that glorious night
as a little girl sat watching – her face shone with sheer delight.
Her little boat sailed freely on that tiny roadside pond.
It was like the Winter Fairy had waved her magic wand.


© Jakki May
22.12.12

[Maureen K Clifford]

I think that's coming along nicely Jakki - do you feel happier with it? It reads more flowingly now. I like it. Have sent you a pm with a thought I had about this one.

Cheers

Maureen

[jakkimay]

Thank you, Maureen. I liked what you did. I enjoyed receiving your critique.

Jakki

[Terry]

Hi Jakki,

Lovely little story.

Terry