HOMEWORK 4/03/13 WHERE RAMBLING ROSES GROW

[mummsie]

WHERE RAMBLING ROSES GROW
Sue Pearce©

A tiny mound lay nestled 'neath a rustic wrought iron frame
where roses ramble freely, reaching out as if to claim
the tiny soul who lay interred within the rose embellished frame,
no plaque to say who rests within-no cross to bear a name.

And who had placed the wrought iron frame embellished by the rose?
perhaps a mother deep in grief who'd counted ten small toes
and held a tiny hand with no response-an angel heaven chose.
A mother left to question why? The answer-no one knows.

And one can see how come the spring as breezes gently blow
and petals fall to kiss the ground-a blanket form below
enwrapped around the tiny mound, to comfort, cherish and bestow
a love that only mothers know, where rambling roses grow.

[Glenny Palmer]

Hello Sue,
This is lovely...and haven't you come a long way with your writing...you haven't just nailed the structure, but are playing with it now. It's nice to 'be in touch' again, albeit for just a minute. I look forward to seeing you again around the traps, in time to come.
Cheeers
Glenny

[Maureen K Clifford]

Love it Sue - a bit of an unusual structure but as Glenny says it is good to have a play around sometimes and see what we can come up with.

I found the last verse just a little glitchy - only my opinion - and fiddled (as one does) came up with this. Yours to lose or use as you choose

And one can see how, come the spring, as breezes gently blow
sweet petals fall to kiss the ground and wrap a velvet throw
around the babe as mother would to comfort, cherish and bestow
a love that only mothers know, where rambling roses grow.

I could see this piece set up beautifully as an audio piece Sue - A two tissue job and I love the title

Cheers

Maureen

[mummsie]

Hi Glenny, thank you for the encouraging comments. As for the structure of the poem, well.........it just sort of happened. But your right,it's good to have a go at something different.
Thank you for the feedback Maureeen and the idea but.......I'm sticking with my verse, it just feels right to me and you know us poets, we're precious about our work, lol, but I do realise it is a workshop and any ideas put forward here are intended as constructive and we can choose or loose as you say.
Funny how certain topics bring about an "atmosphere", they seem a little morbid this time round.

Sue

[Maureen K Clifford]

quite right Sue - I've been known to get a bit precious on occasions myself

Should form be from in this bit

a blanket form below

It's the line that threw me

Cheers

Maureen

[mummsie]

My interpretation of form here Maureen is "shape" as in if you watched the petals fall, as they gather they would take on the shape of a blamket.
Sue

[Robyn]

I think it's lovely Sue. Well done.
Seeing it's a workshop, I'll toss in a thought: interred or interned? I'm sure you could use either, but when I read it I'm thinking more about burial (interred) rather than being confined/imprisoned (interned).
Whichever you choose, I like the poem.
Robyn

[Heather]

You've painted a picture Sue and I can hear you reciting it.

Heather

[mummsie]

Thank you Robyn and as you say either word can be used, but I thought interned seemed to roll off the tongue easier.
Thank you Heather, some lovely poems posted here this fortnight.
Sue

[Bob Pacey]

Well done Sue I can see the improvement in you writing.

Cheers Bob