homework 7th sept Seeking Closure

[mummsie]

Completely fictional. Thankfully I still have all my siblings


Seeking Closure
(c)]Sue Pearce 2015


“The Orchid Man, it couldn’t be!" the words, profound with grief
conveyed throughout a neighborhood left stunned with disbelief
the sentiments still echo loud though months have gone astray
but closure brother has been hard and so I seek today.


The dual highway snakes its way through pastures lush and green
the open spaces buying time where thoughts at last can glean
the kinship only twins can share-the milestones since our birth
a friendship born and measured by the pedestal of worth.

Nostalgia fills the moment the old mailbox springs to view
the landmark now an empty shell, its hinges hang askew
reflecting... I recall the written letters from the past
that we retrieved as children-precious memories unsurpassed.

I navigate the rutted drive that leads toward the farm
the lane, though barely visible, instills a knowing calm
as if inviting passers-by to “stop off” for a while
and reminisce of days long gone. The thought provokes a smile.

Old times begin to surface as the pepper tree draws near
an intermingled pathos teeters thoughts though crystal clear
recalling of a girl and boy exploring branches high
and where aloft with arms outstretched sought rainbows in the sky.


The childhood trance is intervened and quickly cast aside
when remnants of a wooden cross we placed the day “Patch” died
rekindles all the many joys, the giggles as we led
our priceless master “secretly” to warm our winters bed.

Commanded by the latter thought I turn and search in vain
the sleep out, as I wrench aside a briers thorny cane
a victim of the parched surrounds, its flowers bronzed and dead
entwined around a wooden frame that beckons me ahead.


A shaft of sunlight strays beneath the rusted iron above
and radiates upon a room where humbleness and love
accompanied the modest meals that followed daily chores
like “rhubarb pie with ginger crust” a favorite of yours.


Impulsively, I find myself excited as a child
extracting real from fantasy through images I’d filed
remembering the way things were- the size, the shape, the height
the “room” beyond rekindling a childhood lost from sight.


With hesitance I turn to leave, reluctant to let go
when there beside the pepper tree,and how I’ll never know
an orchid, wild, in flower, rare and beautiful to see
a message bringing closure from a spirit flying free.

[Shelley Hansen]

Lovely to see you posting in the writing workshop, Sue - and a clever use of the prompts.

Your poem is an excellent example of sense stress and rhythm - and remembering you reciting in Bundaberg, I know that rhythm is something you feel keenly.

Cheers, Shelley

[Maureen K Clifford]

It might be fictional but it has the ring of sincerity so doubtless you were able to draw on some deep inner feeling when you penned this lovely poem Sue - some beautiful lines there and a great use of the prompts as well. Great to see you having a go at the writing challenges again.

[mummsie]

Thank you Shelley and Maureen for taking the time to both read and comment.
Speaking of Bundaberg Shelley, congratulations once again for your success in the Bush Lantern awards. For those of you not present, Shelleys winning poem was the pinnacle of the meet. I always gauge a poem by the response of the audience,and where a serious poem is concerned, silence speaks louder than words and let me tell you, you could hear a pin drop-spine tingling stuff and a moment to remember.
You may not remember Shelley, but before Ron and I took over the Caravan Park here some three years ago, I was a regular contributor to this part of the forum. Hopefully now things have settled down after the move back home I can get back into the swing of things although at the moment I'm having to force my hand a little.

Cheers
Sue

[vwalla]

Lovely Sue.
That's what I call Poetry!
Val W

[mummsie]

Thank you Val for popping in and taking the time to read, I'm glad you enjoyed the write. ☺

[Shelley Hansen]

Dear Sue, thank you so much for your kind words about "Teddy, Teddy!", my Bush Lantern poem. I really appreciate what you've said. Knowing that it touched you as it did is the best reward of all.

May I say that for me, one of the highlights of the Bundy Muster was your performance of David's haunting "Wasteland". It was certainly another "pin drop" interlude! I already knew and appreciated the poem, and your heartfelt rendition stayed with me for a long time afterwards.

I've only been a forum member for just over a year, so your earlier posts have passed me by. I can certainly understand how busy you must have been with the caravan park. Now that you've moved on from there, we can all look forward to more gems from your pen!

Best Regards, Shelley

[Catherine Lee]

This is a really wonderful poem Sue - both technically, descriptively, and the subject matter. You wouldn't think it was fictional, because as Maureen says it has the ring of sincerity and truth. I've read it a few times over and certainly agree with Shelley too, about the rhythm. I think you should do something more with this (insofar as a competition or something) as it is just lovely.

[David Campbell]

Welcome back, Sue, that's a poignantly nostalgic piece of writing. And here's hoping that one day I'll also get the chance to see you performing Wasteland!

Best wishes
David

[mummsie]

Wow-thank you Catherine. I've never looked upon my writing as being "competition" material. My knowledge of the use of punctuation has always let me down and so I simply write for enjoyment and as in the case of this particular piece I try to keep punctuation simple. I have written many poems as performance pieces and make personal notes as to pauses, softness etc knowing how each line is to be interpreted. But...... I certainly value the use of punctuation when taking on another writers work, such as Davids "Wasteland", which I might say is one of the most moving poems I have ever performed. Along with Kym Eitels "Jelly Melons" it always invites audience response.

David..thank you for trusting me with such a poignant and personal write and who knows...maybe one day we will cross paths.

Recently, in a different thread, the subject of punctuation was raised and I wonder if perhaps David or someone in the know would like to take a piece (such as my above effort)and show us writers of lesser knowledge how to bring such a piece to life with punctuation. I for one would really appreciate it and who knows where that might lead...
Thank you all for your generous feedback


Sue