ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

a mother weeps

sad........so very sad.........she hugs her son
..........and weeps
compassion sleeps..........the journey now begun
a travesty of law....................the words profane
defiling what has gone before
.......again............and again............and again
excuses fall like acid rain
on barren ground..............sweet mercy’s seed
interred so deep
....................detachment crowned
by fear........conceit..................corrosive need
to keep those shattered lives at bay
a hundred thousand dreams away
where night pursues relentless day
........the seasons........turning........in a mind
...........................now broken
by justice tailored for the blind
a judgement etched in drifting sand
.........................the truth thus spoken
bureaucratic sleight of hand..........we will
perhaps........one day........we might
if this and that....................until
but then........and yet........in spite
of all we said
.........................and so it goes
while somewhere else..........a chill wind blows
a child is dead
.......................a mother weeps
.................................................a nation sleeps
sad........so very sad

© David Campbell 06/02/16

The master wields his pen and magic happens - beautiful poetry David

Good one David, it's good to see how you show that it is possible to intensify the poetic form, still in the tradition of the rhyming sounds and in the "bush" tradition of social commentary ( Dennis ?

Since this is a workshop I have a couple of questions.
I am not arguing a case, I just ponder on these.

1. Some people say that spacing such as you have used serves no purpose for the poem being spoken, as the audience cannot see the structure and any pauses in the flow are only perceived as the mannerism of the reciter not the structure of the verse.
Do you think that there is more emphasis these days on poetry being done for print more than for spoken.

2. Somebody in our local poetry group asked me if there was any parallel in poetry to the musical technique of putting in rests or silent beats. You know what I mean ? Are those spaces in your verse to be considered part of the metre or gaps in the metre.
The questioner was serious, I didn't have an answer for them.

I hope that doesn't sound too nerdish . A certain well known bush poet reckons it's too introspective.

I think that's a good ? Neville . I was told by an American poet that my metre etc was way out because I hadn't counted in the rests in a piece of poetry I had posted - I was a bit gobsmacked by that as I hadn't even considered that. So I would also be interested in David's comment both from his experience as a judge but also as a fellow poet.

Thank you, Maureen...high praise indeed, and much appreciated. With regard to your second post, I hadn't considered that either. In bush poetry, metre relies on the syllables so I'm not sure how you'd include the rests.

You're right, Neville, the spaces are there for the written form, as a guide to the reader. The focus these days is much more on print, and so the physical layout of a poem can be used as part of the communication. It's something bush poetry doesn't do at all...which some would undoubtedly see as a good thing! But I reckon there's room for flexibility, and this is a sort of hybrid version. It uses a free verse layout, but, as you say, preserves some of the rhyming tradition. The gaps are rests or pauses, a more visual alternative to full stops, commas, semi-colons etc. For example, the "again" line uses equal spaces to emphasise monotony, as does the "seasons" line, while "detachment crowned" and "now broken" are isolated to emphasise that very detachment and the sense of something broken. But this is only my intent, and interpretation is not set in concrete. People can take away whatever they like from the layout, including considering it a useless gimmick (a common reaction and one undoubtedly echoed by your "well known bush poet"). I see it as "value-adding"...providing an extra tool for the writer, and a possible new dimension for the reader. One thing it definitely does is remove the "de-dum-de-dum-de dum" temptation for which bush poetry is often criticised.

Cheers
David

Thanks David. That's helpful advice.

Someone once asked my why my performance poetry flowed so well yet when written down it was all over the place. When I write for performance, I count beats of silence in both pause and effect. So I'd never win a written contest yet as performance pieces they flow. I think it is great to see David playing with pause and metre and what better forum than to do it in. Enjoyed the poem immensely.

Cheers

Neil

so Neil - you are in effect counting your beats of silence as syllables as it were ? Perhaps this is what my American poet was trying to indicate

Exactly, Maureen.

Thanks Neal - I understand now - something to take on board