ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

I wanted to have a go Maureen, I am not satisfied with what I have done, it will need a lot of revision.
I had intended to use rhyming lines, but got lost on that.


DINNER FOR ONE

My mother said " Keep your elbows off the table "

Chin held in both hands
I lean forward over tea.
Hear no reprimands.

My mother said " Don't talk with your mouth full"

Best to chew slowly
Take time, there's no need to rush.
No one will answer.

My mother said " It's rude to take the last piece "

Not much to share.
Take the last bit anyway
When there's no one else.

I think we had the same mother, Neville. I like it.

Heather

Works for me Neville - I think Mothers in our day were smart enough to realize that a person is judged by their behaviour in a social situation and having nice manners makes a good and lasting impression. Sadly that is something that seems to have gone by the bye these days - to the detriment of all society.

Good on you for having a shot at it - you are that much further in front of those who didn't and nothing at all wrong with what you have submitted either.

Very naughty boy.


Bob

Thanks for the feed back, Maureen, Bob, Heather.

It's really not about manners. Something else. Matt reckons we shouldn't explain, but I've made one adjustment, I've changed the title.
I also take notice of Matt's wisdom that poetry is about feelings, emotion. Hopefully this little piece can be read in that light.

Got it.

I agree we shouldn't explain. The poem should speak for itself and it may speak differently to different people. That's part of the magic. I'm sure you already knew poetry was about emotions and feelings Neville. You've been telling us for years now not to explain by "showing not telling." That is quite possibly why we write our best poetry when we are feeling a lot of emotion -and maybe why we have lulls - because there's not a lot of high or low emotions going on in our lives at the time. I know when i feel high in a silly sense i can jot off a flippant poem in no time where i can't do that at the drop of a hat. That's also why we need to "feel" something deeply to write about it well - you can't "fake" it - it shows.

I see Matt has replaced Stephen Fry Go Matty!

Sad and emotive. Good job.

I like it Neville
Matts right-no need for explanation-and the title fits perfectly.

Thanks for the comments, Sue, Wendy.

Heather.... indeed, show don't tell, and as Matt said on another thread today, it's hard. Which reminds me, nobody has replaced anybody. Solomon wrote " Without counsel plans go wrong, but with many advisers, they succeed "
So all I can say to you is....

You're gonna wish you hadn't done that!