Homework W/E May 23: Two poems

[David Campbell]

Two offerings...the first one rhyming, the second one not.

Madness

The world’s slowly turning,
yet out of control,
old hatreds still burning
that ravage the soul.

The love there that’s sleeping
is rain in my heart,
a dark cloud of weeping
that tears us apart.

It’s so hard to reason
with madness it seems,
for conflict’s in season,
and killing our dreams.

Diversions are many,
but answers are few.
We wonder if any
one knows what to do.


Age

It’s hard to reason with age;
the great beast drags its weight
through my bones,
claws shredding the skin of years.
My world is turning,
out of control, memories
mere diversions
in the rush of days. Her voice,
now stilled, is rain
in my heart, the love there that’s sleeping
my only friend.

© David Campbell 12/05/16

[Neville Briggs]

Sounds good to me except the age one, that's too accurate, makes my bones creak

[Maureen K Clifford]

We are spoilt for choice David - your are spoiling us. They are both beaut poems IMO.

I like

the dark cloud of weeping

Very descriptive

[Shelley Hansen]

Oh, wow, David - I love them both!

the great beast drags its weight
through my bones,
claws shredding the skin of years.

What a marvellous metaphor in your free verse poem! Exquisite! When I read it I had one of my "wish I'd written that" moments

Regards
Shelley

[Catherine Lee]

Yes David, like Shelley, I too love that metaphor. Two wonderful poems!

[David Campbell]

Thanks Neville, Maureen, Shelley and Catherine. Of the two poems, the first was harder to write in this instance because (as we've discussed elsewhere) of the metre and rhyme requirements, and I didn't want to change the prompts too much.

With the "great beast" image in the second one I was able to break the line after "weight" to give it emphasis, and the slight forced pause before "through my bones" hopefully indicated the slow, relentless nature of the ageing process. That was the aim, anyway!

Cheers
David

[Shelley Hansen]

It certainly worked, David!

Cheers
Shelley

[alongtimegone]

Quite brilliant David ... buy one get one free. Loved both.
Wazza

[David Campbell]

Thanks, Wazza. For what it's worth, I'm happier with the second one. Maybe because it's closer to home!

Cheers
David

[Heather]

I like the second one.

Heather