ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Hi Maureen

Another challenging set of prompts - as always, you set the bar high! I've decided to revamp an old story that has been often told in many guises - but it seemed to fit the theme.

THE LESSON
(c) Shelley Hansen 2016

The young man languished grumpily while slumping in the chair
that graced the corner of the waiting room.
He texted on his phone, ignored the other people there
and spread an aura redolent of gloom.

An old man seated near the window said, “Now look here, lad,
your manners leave a lot to be desired.
If you would glance outside you’d see a scene that’s bright and glad,
so look up from that thing to which you’re wired.

There’s lovely parks and gardens just out there – alight with sun
and flowers like the laughter of the earth.
They’re filling up with people getting set for weekend fun
freewheeling with the happy sound of mirth.

Look! There’s a little boy bike riding with his Grandpa. See …
they’re on the track, and circling round and round.
I hope that he’ll look right, look left – oh yes! He’s safe and free
and now he's vanished out of sight and sound."

The young man rose and walked to where the old man’s gaze was strained
but all he saw was just a blank brick wall.
The old man smiled and said, "Now if you’ll let yourself be trained
I’ll share the finest lesson of them all ...

You may not have the best of circumstances every day
and sometimes you might win – and sometimes lose.
But let me tell you, lad – whatever life directs your way
your attitude is something you can choose."

Oh very good Shelly - it transported me straight away to my GP's waiting room you worked those prompts into a nice story which I feel perhaps needs another verse or maybe two to complete it ...I was left wondering what the young fellows reply was to the old bloke.

Just my thought - I know Neville always says show don't tell , so the reply could be anything we wanted it to be but it just felt IMO unfinished. And being purely nitpicky now. If the old bloke was blind how did he know the young bloke was being uncommunicative and texting on his phone?

Hi Maureen

Thanks for the excellent feedback - and yes, I think we've all had "that" experience in a waiting room!

Aha! You see - I've achieved what I set out to do ... end it just like one of those "Great British Mysteries" and leave the reader wondering!! You are quite right - the final outcome may be anything you wish!

Oh, and by the way ... was the old man blind?

Cheers
Shelley

Good point - maybe not, perhaps just blessed with a fertile imagination - where others saw darkness he saw beauty. One should never jump to conclusions - best to put the brain into gear before opening the mouth.

I love this Shelley. It reminds me of those choose-your-own-ending books I loved as a child.

Thank you Wen - I thought of those books too - and it's good to be able to choose a happy ending, isn't it?

It's OK Maureen - he can be blind if you wish - that's all part of the mystery!

Actually I've read this story in a number of different versions, both prose and poetry. It usually takes place in a hospital where the old man is near a window and describing the scene to a grumpy person in another bed. Then when the old man leaves (for whatever reason) the other man requests his bed - looks out of the window and sees just a brick wall. Then he realises that it's not always what you see, but how you look at it that matters.

But, there is also a version where the old man is blind! So you see, you could be right! I just couldn't resist sowing that tiny seed of doubt ... all with a view to firing your imagination! That's what it's all about, after all.

Cheers
Shelley

Really enjoyed this Shelley, and oh boy is that last line so true!

Very clever, Shelley. The mind's eye can be far more perceptive than the other two!

Cheers
David