Homework w/e 27/3 - Our family tree.

[Wendy Seddon]

Springing from a fertile soil, a gnarly family tree,
the traits of our humanity displayed for all to see.
Clinging to each branch are leaves of every human mien
Compassion and her cousin Hate and all that lies between.

Naivety is blossoming, her blush in contrast to
the steely grey of disrespect and melancholy’s blue.
A streak of fiery red denoting anger spews a seed,
to split and germinate the terror twins of power and greed.

Joy hangs on tenaciously, its branch is nearly bare,
while being threatened by the prising tendrils of despair.
Relationship, community fuse with the bark in clumps,
Indifference has found a knot and in the hole it slumps.

The canopy is not unlike that anvil wrought by Thor,
It’s thrust up by a massive trunk, defiance at its core.
Precipitation from the heavens, nutrition from the earth,
So monstrous this striated tree that clouds dance ‘round its girth.

No greenhouse to effect a change of substance as it grows,
It’s free to twist and sprawl with none to dictate how it goes.


Last liine very weak....please help!

[Maureen K Clifford]

Good on you Wendy - you have taken a different path with this one and made excellent use of the prompts. I don't see anything wrong with that last line at all but came up with this anyway - yours to use or lose as you choose.

No greenhouse to effect a change of substance as it grows,
its gnarled trunk striated by the force of life's harsh blows.

[Catherine Lee]

A clever and thought provoking poem, Wendy. You too have thought more laterally, and come up with something clever - well done! Regarding the last line - if it's only the syllable stress on the word dictate that's bothering you, you could maybe just change the word to 'dictating' ('It’s free to twist and sprawl with none dictating how it goes')...Otherwise, Maureen's given you a good suggestion to think about if you want to change the line completely.

[Wendy Seddon]

Thank you Maureen and Catherine.

Living in Medowie, we don't get too much change in our weather!
The word twins got me thinking of family and.........

I don't get a lot of time these days to write and I keep missing competition
closing dates! A situation I hope will change soon.

Loving reading your posts on these pages.

[Shelley Hansen]

Excellent metaphors again, Wendy! They seem to be your special talent!

I agree with Catherine - the last line is essentially fine, but changing to "dictating" as Catherine has suggested shifts the stress to the correct syllable.

Cheers
Shelley

[David Campbell]

An intriguing and thought-provoking direction to take, Wendy, and I also agree with the "dictating" suggestion as the idea behind that last line is not at all weak.

Cheers
David

[Terry]

I really liked your poem Wendy.

It's well written, with a lot of thought been put into it,
and was a very pleasing poem to read.

I thought the last line was fine.

Terry