Collaborative Poem Number 6 - Looters

[keats]

Hi, while ya's are at it go and rip this one into syllables. I've never been bothered. Might be good homework for someone! lol

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=324

[Irene]

come off it Keats!!! Once was enough!! I was unwinding after work, and just playing!!

I missed that poem you linked somehow - very much enjoyed it, and the replies.
Anyway, that rhythm lends itself very much to having extra unstressed syllables added in or dropped while still flowing nicely.
I remember when I first started writing poetry going through some of Will Ogilvie's poems to understand rhythm/metre better, and, lo and behold, quite a few of his are written in that similar rhythm, and the metre changes around within the lines. But who am I to argue???? He's a master, and I love his work - can you tell he is my favourite poet??? - so if he can do it, we all can!!!!

[Leonie]

LOOTERS

As we sang " ..'way in a manger"
we found floods had brought a stranger
to increase the chance of danger
It's not mozzies seeking blood..
ZK

As we sit at our computers,
we should all load up our shooters,
then go out and shoot the looters,
looting victims of the flood!
RM

Now here is my own little thought
for if these mongrels did get caught
their life to me is worth but nought
as concrete boots would do the trick
DJD

to hold them in the muddy flow.
An act like this would quickly show
that looting folk is not the go
and those that do the crime are sick.
JP

as the brown waters slowly rise
one can’t but help wish their demise
devoid of their ill gotten prize
these lowest of the low
MKC

As the water flows across them
They may see the error of their ways
On them It may slowly dawn then
The crime of looting never pays
DS

Stripping elderly of treasure
is a cruel and perverse leisure,
should be dealt with no mean measure
of law's most judgemental ways.
Wen

Take these offenders from the city
to a place a bit less pretty
I suggest a patch of mulga scrub
to contemplate their crime
MB

In a jail made of Boab
with no prospect of some rehab
let them pay for their infraction
with hard labour and hard time
MB

We’re all sitting at computers
writing verses about looters
but I think we need some tutors
‘cause the rhymin’s gone to pot.
LP

But that doesn’t change my feeling,
‘bout the way we should be dealing
with these blighters who are stealing
we should shoot the bloody lot.
LP

When Judgement Day arrives
And the Righteous Judge arises
Will I be found so innocent
To sentence crimes of others.
NB

We're pretty ruthless in this joint
and maybe Neville has a point
perhaps we should show tolerance
of all our thieving brothers.
LP

To be vigilant is cautious
but vigilanties make me nauseous
and I say with utter sureness (well, close!)
they'll be the ones to pay.
Wen

So now we all are in accord
that virtue is its own reward
and sanity has been restored.
They’ll face their judgement day.
LP

Well, now the metre's back on track,
with looters I could not hold back,
and, if I saw one with his sack.
I'd shoot him on the spot!
DJD

OH DAVE! AND YES, I'M YELLING
'CAUSE I'VE ONLY JUST BEEN TELLING-
VIGILANTIES WILL BE DWELLING
IN THE GOALS! THAT'S THEIR LOT!
Wen

It's rare for me to bear a grudge,
but slimy looters in the sludge,
for this case you can make me judge,
I say they should be shot!
RM

May they burn in hellish weather
wrapped in cloth and bound in leather
as we all rejoice together
while we leave them there to rot!
IC

So Zondrae now has made a point
for all us mob here in this joint,
a guru we must now anoint
to get the metre right.
DJD

My friends I hope I don't offend
you're getting better near the end
you've made it swing and made it blend.
.... Yes, I can say 'Good Night'.
ZK

So farewell Zondrae please sleep tight,
don't let those bedbugs bite tonight,
when morning comes you'll get a fright,
for still the poem grows.
DJD


As I strive for rhyme and rhythm, vv/v/v/v
and the subtleties within 'em vv/v/v/v
then I find I must begin 'em vv/v/v/v
with my tongue out to compose. vv/v/v/
Wen[/quote]

Now we've had a rhymin' lesson
from our Zondrae and I'm guessin'
Irene's tips on metre stressin'
might just keep us on our toes.
LP

[warooa]

Let's get back to vigilantes
shootin' looters, chuckin' tanties
floods have water-logged me panties
as the mighty rivers run

looters: we cannot ignore 'em
but a point on the decorum
of the users of this forum
legal owners of a gun?
MP

[Zondrae]

morning all,

I'm sure Ross (RM) is a legal gun owner given that he lives at Alice Springs. My husband has a licence but no weapon (being an ex-security guard) but I can't speak for anyone else.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Maybe it refers to two-wrist season Marty in which case maybe you could strangle them

Cheers

Maureen

[Dave Smith]

Or as Neville would say two-wrist in handcuffs

TTFN

[Maureen K Clifford]

We have had looters here - lucky for my street a young fellow who used to live across the road and now lives in the next street took it upon himself to patrol our streets randomly with a couple of mates to keep an eye on our places for us. I hasten to add he is a decent young bloke from a good family, and had a lot of good neighbours up and down the road when he lived here.

They came across an unrecognised vehicle around 11pm and decided to just quietly watch it as they knew the street was empty. Sure enough looters - they dealt out bush justice. Three young blokes tonight will be feeling a bit bloody sore, and battered but they have our gratitude...as for the looters??? well don't think they will be going anywhere real soon - expect maybe the hospital ..works for me.

Cheers

Maureen

[r.magnay]

That'll do if you havn't got your gun with you! And yes I am a registered and legal gun owner, though I rarely use them these days they are stored safely in case of floods!..

[Maureen K Clifford]

LOOTERS

As we sang " ..'way in a manger"
we found floods had brought a stranger
to increase the chance of danger
It's not mozzies seeking blood..
ZK

As we sit at our computers,
we should all load up our shooters,
then go out and shoot the looters,
looting victims of the flood!
RM

Now here is my own little thought
for if these mongrels did get caught
their life to me is worth but nought
as concrete boots would do the trick
DJD

to hold them in the muddy flow.
An act like this would quickly show
that looting folk is not the go
and those that do the crime are sick.
JP

as the brown waters slowly rise
one can’t but help wish their demise
devoid of their ill gotten prize
these lowest of the low
MKC

As the water flows across them
They may see the error of their ways
On them It may slowly dawn then
The crime of looting never pays
DS

Stripping elderly of treasure
is a cruel and perverse leisure,
should be dealt with no mean measure
of law's most judgemental ways.
Wen

Take these offenders from the city
to a place a bit less pretty
I suggest a patch of mulga scrub
to contemplate their crime
MB

In a jail made of Boab
with no prospect of some rehab
let them pay for their infraction
with hard labour and hard time
MB

We’re all sitting at computers
writing verses about looters
but I think we need some tutors
‘cause the rhymin’s gone to pot.
LP

But that doesn’t change my feeling,
‘bout the way we should be dealing
with these blighters who are stealing
we should shoot the bloody lot.
LP

When Judgement Day arrives
And the Righteous Judge arises
Will I be found so innocent
To sentence crimes of others.
NB

We're pretty ruthless in this joint
and maybe Neville has a point
perhaps we should show tolerance
of all our thieving brothers.
LP

To be vigilant is cautious
but vigilanties make me nauseous
and I say with utter sureness (well, close!)
they'll be the ones to pay.
Wen

So now we all are in accord
that virtue is its own reward
and sanity has been restored.
They’ll face their judgement day.
LP

Well, now the metre's back on track,
with looters I could not hold back,
and, if I saw one with his sack.
I'd shoot him on the spot!
DJD

OH DAVE! AND YES, I'M YELLING
'CAUSE I'VE ONLY JUST BEEN TELLING-
VIGILANTIES WILL BE DWELLING
IN THE GAOLS! THAT'S THEIR LOT!
Wen

It's rare for me to bear a grudge,
but slimy looters in the sludge,
for this case you can make me judge,
I say they should be shot!
RM

May they burn in hellish weather
wrapped in cloth and bound in leather
as we all rejoice together
while we leave them there to rot!
IC

So Zondrae now has made a point
for all us mob here in this joint,
a guru we must now anoint
to get the metre right.
DJD

My friends I hope I don't offend
you're getting better near the end
you've made it swing and made it blend.
.... Yes, I can say 'Good Night'.
ZK

So farewell Zondrae please sleep tight,
don't let those bedbugs bite tonight,
when morning comes you'll get a fright,
for still the poem grows.
DJD


As I strive for rhyme and rhythm, vv/v/v/v
and the subtleties within 'em vv/v/v/v
then I find I must begin 'em vv/v/v/v
with my tongue out to compose. vv/v/v/
Wen[/quote]

Now we've had a rhymin' lesson
from our Zondrae and I'm guessin'
Irene's tips on metre stressin'
might just keep us on our toes.
LP

Let's get back to vigilantes
shootin' looters, chuckin' tanties
floods have water-logged me panties
as the mighty rivers run

looters: we cannot ignore 'em
but a point on the decorum
of the users of this forum
legal owners of a gun?
MP

As Queensland flood waters fled
towards the coastline Yasi heads,
to terrorize us in our beds
like some jack booted Nazi.

And in Townsville six looters saw
the long steely arm of the law
Ross get your shooters out – for sure
they’re breeding and they're nasty.

mkc