Our Fantastically Terrible Camping Holiday

[Stephen Whiteside]

Our Fantastically Terrible Camping Holiday

© Stephen Whiteside 04.01.11

Last week beginning we all went camping. Of course, we left plenty of food for the neighbours, and mum wrote a note for the cat.

Dad was really happy when we got going because there was lots of traffic. A couple of hours later we stopped for a rest because he was feeling so alert. Mum and dad had a cold cup of coffee, but my brother and I had a nice hot orange juice instead!

We were really happy when we arrived at the camping site because we found a nice flat stretch of water in the river to pitch the tent on. The water was very hard, though, so we couldn’t hammer in the pegs. Luckily I found a light little feather that did the job nicely.

Next it was time to go for a walk in the bush. We took off our shoes and socks because we love the feel of pointy sticks and sharp stones against the soles of our feet.

The wildlife was great. We saw lots of kangaroo burrows, and even glimpsed a wombat hopping through the bush. Fish were swimming in the long grass, and lots of birds were flying in the river. Dad reckons he saw a snake swoop down from a tree and kill a kookaburra. The platypuses were as tame as always, and kept darting between our legs as we dangled them in the water.

It was a really cold night. We all froze inside our tent, which was great!

Next day, we drove home. We had a puncture, which was really good. Dad loves changing tyres. Mum complained that we kids were too quiet and not squabbling enough. At least I managed to spill my milkshake, though, so that made her happy. Then we ran out of petrol, which gave everybody a really good laugh.

When we reached the city, we got ten red lights in a row. Mum and dad love red lights, because they get a bit more hot and sticky, and they love that feeling.

All in all, it was a fantastically terrible camping holiday!

[Neville Briggs]

That's a good one, Stephen. .

I hope you don't mind this comment. I wondered if leaving the word terrible out of the title and the last line would work better, leaving the reader to put that thought in?

I like the way you have done short sentences and short paragraphs. I just find it easier to get a sort of holistic view of a piece if the wording is spread out a bit, like you have done.

I think the language that you have used is direct and clear , perfectly suitable for this theme.

[David Campbell]

This is a fantastically terrible piece of writing, Stephen. Your commas are spelt incorrectly, and several of your words are lacking punctuation. Nevertheless, you display an excellent lack of imagination and a commendable ignorance of the subject matter. I would encourage you to pay less attention in class if you are serious about failing successfully in your endeavours.

I am giving this a grade of B+ out of 10, along with a warning that if your standards get worse you will be excused all homework for the remainder of the year.

The Headmaster

[Maureen K Clifford]

and somewhere I suspect you came across some plants with leaves like 5 fingers and boys being boys decided it would be great fun to maybe roll them up and make pretend cigars and have a puff or even chop them up and put them in the stew when Mum wasn't looking which could explain the terrible things you saw. Seriously deranged write IMO

[Stephen Whiteside]

I'm really sad that you all enjoyed it so much.

[Bob Pacey]

Sorry Stephen did not do much for me. !!!


Bob

[Heather]

Stephen I think you need a holiday!

[Stephen Whiteside]

Yeah, I think there's a bit too much head and not enough heart (and probably not enough head, either!) in this one.

[william williams]

struth mate you'd make a wonderful doctor the way you write cause I don't understand your poerty either

bill williams

[Heather]

But, you are a conversation piece, if nothing else Stephen!