ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

THE WAKE

There’s a cross beside a highway
Initials in a tree
To mark the loss of innocence
For all the world to see

But nothing marks the hotel
Or the bar at which they stood
Singing one more for the road
One more than they ever should

There’s a trail of broken hearts
Friends and relatives in grief
A loss of youthful promise
A town in disbelief

But nothing stops the barman
Serving up the beers
Singing one more for the road
Too many stolen years

There’s a ring upon her finger
A photo on the wall
A love to last forever
A love that won’t grow old

But no one hears her crying
For the ringing of the till
Singing one more for the road
As they say their last farewell

Copyright © Allan Cropper February 2011

I hope you don't mind a comment. For this theme I wonder if a slower pace would suit. What do you think
If you joined the lines so that each stanza was two instead of four lines. It might slow the pace and seem more sorrowful which I think is what you meant.

You don't have to follow what I say. Nobody else here does.

I think it is great mate the shorter lines place more emphasis on what you want to say.


Cheers Bob

Fair point Neville, and it would probably read better as you suggest.

I have posted an introduction in which I point out that as well as poetry I have written a number of songs over the years, a handful of which I have recorded.

This poem was originally a song lyric, and probably reads as such

Thank you for you comments and feedback. It is through these comments that I will be able to develop as a writer of poetry.

Cheers mate.

Allan

Another good one Allan. I agree with Neville, an extension of the lines 2 into 1 does slow the pace. Good read though.
Wazza

This is another good poem Allan, and I can see how it must have worked well as a song too - I am really enjoying reading your posted selection today

Very much appreciated Catherine

Thank you for you kind words

Cheers

Allan

Nicely crafted Allan and on a subject that needs as much publicity as it can get. Don't believe Neville - his opinions are held in high esteem by many of us here and we do so listen to him.

Nev who ?

Thanks Maureen

I am grateful for of all comments and suggestions, It indicates to me that my words are being read with some interest, and anyone who spares a moment to comment or suggest changes means that they have taken the time to consider what I have written.

I do very much appreciate your positive feedback

Allan