Pantoum for the Missing Molars.

[Neville Briggs]

PANTOUM FOR THE MISSING MOLARS.

I wish back then that I had chose to listen.
I got advice but didn't have the sense
to brush my teeth and polish them to glisten.
The cost of dental work is quite immense.

I got advice but didn't have the sense
to take good care when maintenance was needed.
The cost of dental work is quite immense.
It's too late now; it's then I should have heeded.

To take good care when maintenance was needed
was how a bloke could smile with confidence.
It's too late now, it's then I should have heeded
advice on how to brush with diligence.

Was how a bloke could smile with confidence,
the issue for a young and foolish bloke ?
Advice on how to brush with diligence
just seemed applicable for older folk.

The issue for a young and foolish bloke;
to brush my teeth and polish them to glisten
just seemed applicable for older folk.
I wish back then that I had chose to listen.

[Rimeriter]

Neville, first Pantoum I've read for many a year.

"Goodonya"
Jim.

[Zondrae]

G'Day Neville,

†he only other Pantoum I have (in my ignorance) ever seen was on the site that Ric Raftus used to service. The site is still on air but we haven't heard from Ric for years. There is a diligent and dedicated fellow named Bernard De Silver who posts there almost every day. He posed the Pantoum form as a challenge once but I didn't take it up. Can you please set out the rules or pm them to me. One day I may have the time and inclination to have a go at it.

Well done, you have not only presented an intriguing poem by putting a philosophic slant on a somewhat painful problem, but also a different poetic form for us to ponder.

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks for the comments Jim and Zondrae. I am not satisifed that I have mastered this one up to the standard I had hoped to achieve, but it is the first time that I have tried a pantoum and it is quite difficult. Many rewrites and hours of just thinking about the next step went into it would you believe.
The pantoum is popular with modern poets, but I don't see any reason why bush poets can't make use of it, it has a rhyming scheme and a fixed echo form as well as metric construction.
I think the pantoum is perfect for the bush poet who wants to do something on a nostalgic or memorial theme. How would it go in bush poetry performance ? I'm not sure because, it is not a narrative form, it doesn't lend itself easily to jokes or story line. I think one would have to be pretty good to achieve a narrative with it.

Next project down the track is a Sestina, now there's a challenge.

I'll PM you Zondrae.

[Maureen K Clifford]

They are challenging Neville but it's good to get a handle on them - certainly they are a lot harder than they look at first glance

Bloody teeth - they hurt coming and going and often times in between. Good advice here

Cheers

Maureen