SETTING UP THE SETTING

[Jeff Thorpe]

A tale about mastering those Chinese furniture assembling instructions

SETTING UP THE SETTING

“Come on down to Bunnings” my wife she said to me,
“There’s a lovely Outdoor Setting I’d like you to see”.
“I’ll bet it’s more than see” I thought, unenthusiastic,
cos in the main, that place’s been harmful to my plastic.

And there it stood, on display, glass topped table with four chairs,
impressive in appearance, it caught me unawares.
What followed is uncommon if you knew my shopping history,
bought the Setting on the spot, somewhat of a mystery.

Did I mention that this furniture came not put together
which raised the question whether
we as untried assemblers would rise up to the task,
a question I, for one, was not about to ask.

You see, my record in construction is not far off destruction
and even with instruction, my fear was this production
would not turn out entirely as that seen,
possibly a cockup, if you know what I mean.

Thus, no bed of roses, our brief had just begun,
first, to get the Setting home, that itself no fun,
trailer needed with the bundle much more than a match
for our cool but, in this case, somewhat inept hatch.

The set to build the Setting was the lounge floor, soft and stable,
protection for the glass throughout assembly of the table
and there we read directions what to do,
four complex drawings, thirteen bits and pieces and half a page of writing was there too.

At this stage I was thinking, “Thank the Lord the chairs are built,
as our bid to make the table could look like a patchwork quilt.”
And so, we started building, exercising our abilities,
following instructions, using all supplied utilities.

Bolts and nuts and washers, glass bumpers, allen key,
all progressing nicely, first class artisans were we.
But, what was this, no spanner to tighten up each nut,
number fourteen missing, an implement short cut.

A cockup I did mention but, this not of our making,
now we had to find a tool to stop our table shaking.
Despite our inefficiencies though, a spanner we possessed
coming to the rescue just when we were stressed.

So, there followed join, attach, put, insert and turn,
applying items A to M, we were quick to learn,
helped, of course by our spanner, now called item N,
job was soon completed and time to say Amen.

All in all, I have to say, a quite successful mission,
achieving “Turn the table over to upright position.”
Good or if not better than that on Bunnings’ floor,
perhaps Ikea next time, we could build some more.

The Setting’s now in sitting, our deck it does adorn,
replacing an ensemble which looked rather forlorn,
it’s the focal feature where we sit and chat,
looking at the table, proudly saying “We built that”.


Jeff Thorpe 09 August 2012 ©

[Rimeriter]

"onya" Jeff.

[Maureen K Clifford]

I reckon most of us could relate to this one Jeff When in doubt glue and screw

[Neville Briggs]

What's the matter with you Jeff, men don't need instructions to follow, we just naturally know how things go to-gether. I do it that way every time

[Jeff Thorpe]

G'day Jim, Maureen & Neville
It's with pride that we put the table together. Having said that though, I'd rather play with words than tools.

Regards, Jeff