lonely

[william williams]

In my years of being out in the country and country towns I have come across this often so please read it slowly notice the breaks and think
about it and let me know what you think about it


Lonely © Bill Williams

Is she sitting by the doorway?
Just to catch the evening breeze.
Or, is she’ sitting waiting
Just for some one, just to come?

So, she'll sit a little longer?
As the night comes slowly down.
And yes. She's very lonely,
For time, is slowly dragging on?

So she sits, a while longer
As darkness is creeping on.
And still, she’s sitting there,
Hoping in her heart, she’s wrong

So she rises, lights the lantern,
Stoke the fire in the stove.
Then sits, there by the doorway
Hoping for some one, just to come.

[Rimeriter]

"Thanks" Bill.

Made me stop to cogitate about my Mum's time out Wellington way at Bakers Swamp.
Me about three. Three elder sisters. Only and eldest brother away chasing work. Father, I know not where.
She, an ex Pommy girl. City bred. Had to leave Sydney, it was depression years.

Times must have been tough for her.
Jim.

[Neville Briggs]

Good one Bill. I think it is a good idea how you have focussed on the drama of the waiting person rather than try to explain why the person is waiting. You have resisted the explanation, I think that makes it, the reader can imaginethe explanation for themselves.

One small item, in line 3 did you mean to put she's ( with an apostrophe ) just she seems to go better in that line.

[Ron]

Liked it Bill,
Always a reality check when we read words like that. As we live the pampered life style of today it does us good to appreciate the lonliness that many must have experienced in generations past.
Mostly caused by distance/communications/transport etc. Still in our 'modern world' there is still a lot of lonely people and makes you wonder why, when it doesn't have to be so!
Just my two Bobs worth on your poem Bill, well done!
Ron

[Heather]

Bill you have captured the feeling really well. I also like that you leave it to the reader to interpret.

You have asked for comments so here are a couple. In the first stanza the first two lines are a sentence and the question mark would be at the end of breeze.

You have used the word "just" twice in the last line of the first stanza. Could easily be altered though if you chose to do so.

Heather

[william williams]

Thank you everyone by your answers. it would seem I have achieved what I had set out to do and that was to make people think about and question what has being written.

Heather I thank you but I disagree the question mark should be at the end of the first line and not the second. But second one should have been in the fourth line after word one, and before the word just.

My intention was to make the reader hesitate and think before carrying on.

When I say it out aloud to others I make the pauses at the comma's longer to accentuate what has just been said which gives more impact on what has been said.

bill the old battler

[Heather]

Fair enough Bill.

[Bob Pacey]

I think you have posted this before Bill ?


Bit disjointed for my liking mate.



Bob