WARD 5D

[Neville Briggs]

This is one of my old ones that I have revised and rewritten to try and make better in expression.
It's a fixed form of metre and rhyme called a villanelle, 19 lines with a set rhyming and repeat pattern. I have sacrificed the precise regularity of the metre to try and make the language more expressive.

WARD 5 D

Shiny floors with white walls ( air-conditioner humming ).
The tea trolley rolls with a slight bustling sound
and the clock on the wall shows how time is progressing.

There's plenty of banter and loud friendly joking
as people are pushed in the wheelchairs around
shiny floors with white walls ( air-conditioner humming ).

A rack on the wall holds some pamphlets, informing
the patients where helpful support can be found,
and the clock on the wall shows how time is progressing.

Young women in trousers and shirts are there, working
by beds as the curtains are pulled, to surround
shiny floors with white walls ( air-conditioner humming ).

A turban or beanie can cover the balding
of heads, while the wasting is slippered and gowned,
and the clock on the wall shows how time is progressing.

Their faces are grey and their gaze is disquieting;
they see where the end of endurance is found.
Shiny floors with white walls ( air-conditioner humming )
and the clock on the wall shows how time is advancing.

[Maureen K Clifford]

I rather like the challenge of these because they are not easy to write and then get to make sense when you are purloining lines from the previous verses. I reckon you have done a great job with this one Neville especially given the subject matter . Well done.

Cheers

Maureen

[Heather]

I remember this one Neville. I think the repeats really suit the topic of the poem and that last line stops you in your tracks. I really like what you have done here.

Heather

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks Maureen. I dream about being able to match ONE ART or Do NOT GO GENTLY INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT.


Thanks Heather I actually wrote out the elements of this while sitting at the ward. The air-conditioner noise in the cancer ward is very conspicuous and it is set to keep the temperature quite low, apparently this helps to combat the danger of air borne infection. .

[Heather]

I'm not at all surprised you were there Neville. The two things that really stand out are the humming of the air conditioner - I can hear it because you keep repeating it, and the clock, the hours dragging on endlessly but in the same instance time is running out. It's almost like you're standing still and all those things are going on around you in a sterile noiseless environment. A bit like a dream maybe. It's very good.

Heather

[Neville Briggs]

Very good Heather. That's it all right.