BROWNIES TO DIE FOR

[Maureen K Clifford]

taking on board Nevilles suggestion on the homework topic and came up with this. Was this along the lines you were indicating Neville?

BROWNIES TO DIE FOR
Brownies to die for – chocolaty, sweet
offered as goodies to boys on the street
One bite they took and then balked at the taste
one ingredient surely wrongly placed.

Back to their parents and told them the tale.
Something amiss? A bad smell did assail
both parents nostrils, this girl had been caught
once before playing up. Was revenge sought?

Made as a peace offering after a blue
offered in friendship. Well maybe. But who
was doing the offering? No best be sure.
Suspicions confirmed – every brownie had more.

How will this tale end? Not well I surmise
and suspect the result from our court’s won’t surprise.
Who’d have considered and who would have thought
that chocolate to die for was with danger fraught.


Maureen Clifford © 10/12

[Neville Briggs]

That sounds OK to me Maureen, except line 2 of stanza 2, I would have put " a bad smell assailed....both parents nostrils" . I think that avoiding " did " trumps rhyming correctness

I liked the bit in the first version about Hansel and Gretel and the wicked witch, pity you didn't keep that.

I like this one but...
importantly. what do you reckon Maureen. How does it sound to you now; or do you think that the first version is your voice ? I wouldn't want to try and induce anybody not to be themself just to try and fit my ideas. If you know what I mean.

Sorry... I suppose this sounds terribly pompous, I am trying not to be that.