Nothing Beats A Bath

[Stephen Whiteside]

All that you need is a good belt and crane
To raise you and drop you again and again.
Then you can bathe just as often and long
As you wish. It is more than just ridding your pong.

But if your crane's motor's electric, beware.
Treat it respectfully, treat it with care,
For if it gets splashed with a watery drop,
You'll shorten the circuit. It won't ever stop.

It'll spin you around as you hang from its hook,
Which is awkward, and gives an embarrassing look,
Then, just when the crisis seems likely to pass,
You'll be thrown out the window, to land...on the grass.

Slippery, bubbly, naked and white,
Your floundering form a most frightening sight,
You'll scare off the sparrows and panic the bees
While no doubt you're crawling around on your knees.

You'll frighten the chooks so they stop laying eggs,
While your mouth will be filled with the washing line pegs.
Your dog will start howling. Your pussy will hiss.
You'll stare at the edge of a mighty abyss.

Your neighbours will fume. They will call the police.
Your agent will cancel the terms of your lease.
Tossed out on the street, you will sleep in the park.
Drunks will abuse you as soon as it's dark.

Your pong will return, and you'll now have no way
To cleanse your foul body and keep it at bay.
This, I'm afraid, is the sad aftermath...
Of not taking care when you're having a bath.

[Leonie]

The crane lifter thingee would need to be strong
with belts that are neither too short or too long
to dip us in water again and again,
(a bit like a tea bag), without any pain.

Would we need a motor? I ‘spose that’s a yes,
we couldn’t be lifted without one I guess.
But Stephen has given us both such a scare
about electronics I don’t think I dare.

The picture as painted is certainly dark
we don’t want to end up a pong in the park.
We just need a hand to get outa the tub
and maybe somebody to give a back rub?

Ah Ha …

We don’t need a motor to dip in a foot
I know what we’ll do we’ll just call on Katut.
We’ll pinch him from Rhonda she isn’t so hot;
we’re more like a sunrise - believe it or not.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Katut is the answer I think I agree
he prefers a pool not a bath tub I see
He’s civilized, handsome, and caring and nice
and brings one a drink – something cooling with ice.
He’s seen the odd sunrise or is deeply tanned
and he’s a little meaty just my kind of man
I think we’ll be right Lee ‘cause Rhonda’s gone home
and Katut must be feeling lonely all alone.

[Stephen Whiteside]

Rhonda, Katut, they mean nothing to me,
But, yes, I have seen all the ads on TV.
Thank God for Google. It came to my aid.
Rhonda's a lass who'd be happily laid

In the bath, in the shower, or out in the park.
The natural pong is erotica's spark.
Who wants a woman with lustrous sheen?
Let's face it, these days we're all far too clean!

[Maureen K Clifford]

not for to much longer if we don't get rain
they'll introduce those water restrictions again

[Stephen Whiteside]

Oh well, Maureen, at least it'll start cranking up the erotica again. It's an ill wind...

[Maureen K Clifford]

I got a bit. 2 inches in 40 minutes - my cup runneth over - so did my gutters it was that bloody heavy. Seems we will stay clean a bit longer I am nice and clean as I had left the mower outside to cool this morning which it did, it also got a good wash as did I when I remembered it - then there was the water seeping in under the house that needed to be squeegee d away so my feet are now pruney. It's all fun and games up this neck of the woods Stephen We will all be going into panic mode now as the Wivenhoe dam is supposedly already full - although they do say the flood mitigation bit has a way to go yet.

Now off to mop up the water in the bathroom that poured in through the louvres when the gutter overflowed and the thunder rumbles on - we're not done yet.

[Heather]

Glad to hear you got a bit Maureen...

Got your row boat ready this year?

The thing that would beat a bath would be a foot massage.....

[Bob Pacey]

Heather wash you mouth out with soap and water !

Anyway i make the funnies around here ! Good one though i wish i had said that .


as Maureen says " I only want a drink of milk occassionally I do not want to buy the whole cow "


Robert Alan Micheal Pacey IAWP