Vegemite

[Stephen Whiteside]

Vegemite

Spread it on a sandwich, or a piece of buttered toast.
Mix it up with bread crumbs. Stuff it in a roast.
Use it as a sex aid. Run it through your hair.
Rub it on a door jamb to quell a squeak that's there.
Rub it on your tinea. Rub it on your face
To dampen down the wrinkles there - or any other place.
Rub it into sunburn, or stubborn plantar warts.
Stick it up your nostril for hallucinating snorts.
Mix it up with water. Inject it up your arm.
(Why would you imagine you could come to any harm?)
Dab it on an easel for a novel work of art.
Mix it up with lemon jam and bake it in a tart.
Use it as a wood glue to build yourself a boat.
Find an ancient castle site, and squirt it in the moat.
Rub it on some axles as a lubricating grease,
Or on some rusty pliers so the two arms might release.
Spread it on a paper sheet to try to catch some flies.
If you have conjunctivitis, rub it in your eyes.
Using Vegemite this way, you might think I'm a nutter.
I know it isn't perfect, but it sure beats peanut butter!

Stephen Whiteside 11.01.2013

[Maureen K Clifford]

And what better endorsement could this have than that of Stephen - A local GP whose identity must be kept hidden.

Off to try the wrinkle cure now

Spread it on my face to eradicate stubborn lines.
Left it on an hour or so, smelt bad but doing fine.
Fell asleep whilst waiting - relaxed in my easy chair.
Woke to find it all licked off - two dogs each had a share.
Face felt somewhat sticky, covered in brown, globby glue
Son saw me on skype and claimed I looked better in blue.

[Heather]

The heat will do that to you folks!

Heather