Gastro-Google Blues

[Rod Walford]

Gastro – Google Blues

© Rod Walford 2014


Reducing weight, apparently, is quite the thing to do
If you should find your waist inhibits tying up your shoe
My wife declared our current menu healthy, wise and frugal
But, on a mission, I one night consulted Mr Google .

And what he had to say quite frankly scared me half to death
His information overload just took away my breath
With "Don't eat this!" and Don’t eat that!" - it filled me with dismay
To find white sugar's poison - yet I have it every day!

Some say if I don't eat red meat I could become anaemic
There's words like phytonutrients and indices glycaemic
Beware of high cholesterol - it rises every hour
If you even look at chocolate or consume refined white flour!

Some carbos are not good for you and others quite okay
White bread is bad and so is wholegrain many people say
And wheat? Well, that is just about the worst thing ever out
If it doesn't give you bloating, it'll surely make you stout!

Potatoes are the worst thing you can put upon your plate
For they expand the waistline at a most alarming rate
And as I Googled on I just could not believe my eyes.......
No bread ... No pastry.... No ice cream.... No beer......... and no pork pies!

I told my wife "He's crazy this 'ere Mr Google guy
He spouts advice like water - it's enough to make you cry!"
"Now don't you worry dear" she said as I began to pine
"You can't tell truth from fiction with the stuff you read online"

"I wonder how we've lived this long - when we were young" I said
" We had no flippin' gluten free reduced starch wholemeal bread!"
My wife said "Yes and ice cream once was good for what you'd got
They'd serve it up in hospitals - and patients ate the lot!"

I said to her "I'm not so sure I want to break my habit
If I eat all that green stuff I shall turn into a rabbit!"
"Well, moderation seems to be the way to go" said she
"A bit of what you fancy does you good – that’s fine with me!”

Some choices are just common sense and some we can't avoid
My choice right then was not to join the gastro- paranoid
So I shut down Mr Google and his know-all expertise
My wife said "Would you like a beer?" And I replied "Yes please!"

[r.magnay]

Yeah I often think the same Rod, how did we live this long, not to mention our parents and their parents! (my parents are well into their 80's and all of my grandparents bar one who was well into hers, were in their 90's when they died!)

I wrote a poem on the same theme sometime ago, it is floating around here somewhere called 'I'll cook a bloody steak'

[Maureen K Clifford]

Good one Rod - It does put the wind up one when you read all the things that are supposedly killing us off via the food chain. Some say we need to go back to a hunter gatherers diet but not at the big 3 Supermarkets Our poetry mob have written a lot of food related poetry. You'll find a collection here - including the one Ross mentioned. http://www.theaustraliatimes.com/emagaz ... e207/#p=12

[alongtimegone]

Very funny Rod and very true.
Wazza

[Terry]

G/day Rod
Depends who you listen to; sort of damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Enjoyed that

Terry

[warooa]

Yeah that's a good'un Rod, to much reading (and googling) can just confuse a man.

Cheers, Marty