THE OLD BUICK

[mummsie]

Thanks Ross, when we were kids we didn't have much in the way of finer things, a station hands wages didn't go far, but we certainly had lots of fun and laughter so the things that bought pleasure to you were easy to get attatched to, we used the Old Buick for everything, rabbitting, crayfishing, shooting and it carted many a sick lamb home to be nursed.These were the days of no television, computers or electronic games, kids made their own fun, thank god I grew up in those days.
Cheers
Sue

[r.magnay]

I have to agree about growing up in those times Sue, not too sure how many were "the good old days." but some of them sure were!

[Neville Briggs]

G'day Sue. That's a good story, I think that could be a good one for one of the bush poetry comps.

[mummsie]

Marty, your comment on using an axe and block buster for gathering wood, far cry from the way we do it these days, no chainsaws in them days, It was bloody hard work to get a load of wood, and in those days we relied on heating for cooking as well, times were much tougher then.

[mummsie]

Marty, just reading your comment about what your dad said, sounded just like something my dad would say, maybe they were from the same era,

[Neville Briggs]

My apologies Sue, I meant to put this on a P/M it ended up here by mistake. I don't know how to transfer it.



Sue, I'll try and mark the places where I think it could be improved.
THE OLD BUICK

There it stood beneath the gumtree, faded paint work long now gone
wiper blade still hung there loosely, full of rust just holding on,
the upholstery long had weathered, just a few springs left to show
of the good times shown this family, doesn't seem that long ago.

It was only drove in daylight, had no headlights to turn on,
but when mother was in labor, could not wait for light to come,
so big sister on the side board, standing rigid, held a light,
and would flash when cars approached us,beeping horns gave her a fright.

How Dad hated that old hand pump, when the tyres were half down,
he would work what seemed like hours, just to ready them for town,
and he never saw the fun that, only kids like us could see, if
in the valve you stuck a feather, all the air would be set free.

Mother said,''teach me to drive dad'' round the home yard we did go,
stalling, lurching, faces white now,''hang on kids,MUUUM, go slow,
fathers nerves just couldn't take it, shouting, screaming, ''take me home''
mum mistook, pushed the wrong peddle, fencepost gone, Dad's mouth did foam.
Off to town to get the groceries, once a month that trip was made,
as we pulled into the main street, mothers screams were heard to bade
Dad to check to see what was that, crawling neath her under wear,
as she quickly pulled her dress up, half a redback fell from there.

It was just a paddock basher, well thats what my Dad would say,
had no money for the rego,[b]on the back roads we would stay[/b],
It was mainly used on sundays, hauled the wood home by the ton,
and it loved to test Dad's temper, when it's motor wouldn't run.

I still smile when I remember, how his face would turn so red,
as he tried to crank the motor, that would splutter, then stop dead,
and he'd curse and yell at mother, ''pull the choke out when I say''
thick black smoke would fairly billow,when that motor did obey.
Then he'd shout ''well are ya's coming, better climb up on the tray,
and don't let me catch ya's standing, from the side board stay away''
so on board we all would scramble, all eight kids squeezed in the back,
and the old blue dog would follow, as we headed up the track.

Though it's make was well outdated, to us kids no other place
would we rather be on sundays, then right there, wind in our face,
voices ringing loud with laughter, as the buick creaked and churned,
how I wish I could go back there, to those days I long have yearned. Sue Pearce©[/quote]


Changing the usual word order can work in song lyrics,the old hymns often used that device , unfortunately, poetry in these times frowns upon changing the syntax or word order so it looks different to everyday speech...so.
These are my versions of the accepted syntax...

1. faded paint work, now long gone.
2. (you could put), the upholstery badly weathered.( something like that )
3. the past tense of drive is driven.
4. if you stuck a feather in the valve. ( this means you have the problem of rewriting a line and finding another way of making the metre )
5. Dad's mouth would foam or Dad's mouth foamed. ( rewriting problem again )
6. did bade. heard to ask. ( rewriting problem )
7. we would stay on the back roads ( rewriting problem )
8.. when that motor obeyed, (or was obedient) ( rewriting problem )
9. I have long yearned for those days ( rewriting problem )

As you can see, making corrections as I have suggested, throws out the metre and rhyme and you have to recast lines and phrases.( that's what I mean by rewriting problem ) That's why poetry is hard work. There are other problems, but that's enough to work on now I think.
I have done workshops with Jim Haynes and Noel Stallard, they both emphasised the need to revise your work over and over again. Some of mine I have rewritten up to six or seven times and more !! drives you barmy, but it's necessary I'm afraid, Sue.

I'm just a learner like you, I hope my input gives you a bit of a hand.
The best poetry how-to-do book I have found is Writing Poetry by John Whitworth, A&C Black, London. Probably not available in Australian stores, you might be able to get it on an on-line book seller like Amazon, or Booktopia.

Keep up the good work. I'll try and behave and not stir too much.

[mummsie]

Thank you for going to so much trouble Neville to answer my query, I really appreciate it, will try to get my head around it,
you can stir all you like Nev, I realised you were just having a bit of fun.
Cheers
Sue