Judged-Edited- sliced . diced and munged back into shape

[Zondrae]

Thanks for the update Marty.

If Glenny says it's OK then it must be, but I wouldn't use if it was my poem ... but it's not so .... Maybe I've well and truly gone off the boil. I just don't seem to be with it at the moment. I have kept up with my 'weekly homework', with an extra poem here and there but nothing that I really love for a long while. I think it was about this time last year when I wrote a lovely piece but, by results, it seems I'm the only one who likes it. Oh well, if you keep writing, (wise placement of a comma) the good ones will come.. (I hope). Good luck with yours and I hope to catch up with you again sometime soon.

[Robyn]

the way Glenny explained it was that if you did the whole metre thing of /u (stressed/ unstressed or unstressed /stressed) in a continuous line for the whole poem that it would still scan as a constant iambic /u right the way through and if you read it in a flowing manner that it still fits the metre

I've often wondered about that... always good to learn something!
And well done on the poem Marty.
Robyn

[warooa]

G'day Marty . . hope you enjoyed Tamworth, mate. The hope/coping thing bristled at me too, but after reading the piece a few times and letting the rhythm flow you (and Glenny) are right that it does scan . . . and as a performance piece presented well (as you would) none would be wiser. But - being the second (sort of) rhyming couplet and at first read it does jar.

Like Zondrae, I wouldn't put it in my poem. I'd just re-arrange it a bit to something like

his one way to cope with his life as a drifter . . . etc

Besides that . . geez mate you've been fair-dinkum brainwashed . . . not only correct metre but bloody punchoo-aishun tooo

Cheers, Marty

[Terry]

G/day Marty,
Good to see you working on some of the finer points of writing and you can't do much better than to seek Glenny's advice.

I really enjoyed the poem you recited at Tamworth and felt you had a chance of making the final, must have been a close thing - same goes for Sues lovely poem.

Terry

[Glenny Palmer]

What a bonny lad you are Marty. It's looking very good. Did I suggest this poem is in Iambic? Because if I did I musta been tipsy...it's in Anapaestic I think...(at this sleeepy late hour). Regardless, the point you made re writing the poem out in one long line can show you if it is scanning correctly. This doesn't religiously stand true where one may have added or deleted a weak syllable at the start or end of a line (ONLY..never in the BODY of the line).

When I'm judging, and I see something 'cheeky' like your ''coping'' I have a little smile, because it is plain that the author KNOWS what he's doing & is successfully 'playing' with the verse. Of course that is given that the rest of the poem is in order. If you wish you could try:
Firmly holding his bottle - his one way to cope
with his life as a drifter alone in despair .......

Don't get me started on who the finalists ''shoulda' been. They reckon I am biased because they are my little chicks, but....I agree with Terry that Sue most definitely earned a place therein, as did Tom McIlveen for one of the best performances I've seen him do with his Original piece...with his HAT on (makes all the difference). Marty would very likely have slid in there too had he performed earlier in the week when the competition wasn't as steep as at the end of the week. I just get a tad mouthy when the extreme ''vaudevillian'' overtakes quality work. My hearty congratulations go to Peter Mace for his well deserved win with a marvellous original poem, & to the ever delightful Gabby Col...Colquohn...(however you spell it). I had a bonzaaa time with all my mates in Tamworth. Each & every one of them did us proud.
(Gawd. I didn't think I had that many words left over from today. I was just on my way to bed....after I woke up on the couch.)

Cheeers
Glenny.............PS. Zondrae many a verse (line) will end with a weak syllable. I just advise that until one is proficient, to avoid altering the line end beats. That is, if you have begun ending lines on a strong, then continue that throughout your poem...(or ending with a weak beat...continue same throughout.) Once you are proficient you can sucessfully handle alternating them. The same goes for mixing meter within your poem. Wait until you are proficient in the basics, otherwise it can become difficult to manage. Goodo. Goodnight.