ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

After I read Sue's latest I thought I would put this on. It's an early one, bit wobbly in parts.




MUM AND DAD


Hello Mum and hello Dad,
this is me your little lad.
Many years have passed away
since I had that first birthday.

Sorry Mum and sorry Dad
that so often I was bad.
Wish I could have known back then
how the boy would make the man.

Miss you Mum, and miss you Dad,
still your passing makes me sad.
Maybe where you are, somehow
you can know my progress now.

My old Dad and my old Mum;
now just names upon a tomb.
Your faces do not pass away,
they're in my mirror every day.

love it Neville especially those last two lines, the two before that I wasn't so fussed on.

Miss you Mum, and miss you Dad,
still your passing makes me sad.
Maybe where you are, somehow
you can know my progress now.

My old Dad and my old Mum;
now just names upon a tomb.
Your faces do not pass away,
they're in my mirror every day.

just wondered if perhaps this might work better ???

Miss you Mum, and miss you Dad,
still your passing makes me sad.
Maybe where you are, somehow
you oversee my progress now.

Two names upon a gravestone (tombstone) show
that Mum and Dad both rest below.
Their faces will not pass away
they're in my mirror every day


Cheers

Maureen

You're right Maureen, I'll think on those.

There's a lot not right... now that I look again, . Passed away and Birthday is not a proper rhyme. Still your passing sounds awkward as well as the ones you pointed out..
Mum and tomb are not a proper rhyme either.

The more I look at it, the faults annoy me , it's an old one, maybe past it's use by date, I've been thinking it might be one of those that gets filed in the wpb and start all over again. I might just keep the last line. and build on that

I shouldn't have put it on. Bad choice.

I feel what your saying Neville.
Sue

Gees Nev if I followed that theory I would never post anything.




Bob

Hello Mum and hello Dad
this is me your little lad
Many years have passed away
since I had that first birthday

Sorry Mum and sorry Dad
that so often I was bad
Wish I could have known back then
how the boy would make the man.

Miss you Mum and miss you Dad,
still your passing makes me sad.
Maybe where you are, somehow
you may see my progress now.

Two names upon a gravestone show
where Mum and Dad are here below.
Your faces do not pass away
they're in my mirror every day.


How does that look Maureen.

You're right Bob, the old saying ..the person who didn't make a mistake didn't make anything.

Yeah I reckon Nev. Thanks for the tape mate nearly worn it out already,

bob

Goodonya Bob, I thought it would be like that

I like it!

Heather