ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

My Exercise Programme

The missus reckons that I'm fat
Mate she don't pull no punches
And I will admit I've packed it on
with all those business lunches.

We must go walking every day
To get my weight in line.
A half an hour each day she said
Should work out really fine.

Yeah! I said that shouldn't hurt
A half an hour is just a stroll.
A few weeks on the pavement
Should help me reach my goal.

That's what I thought, but I was wrong
She had this plan in mind
And I was to be her victim
I walked straight into it blind.

Great darl! we'll start tomorrow
She said with evil glee.
I pictured strolling in the sun
Then home for a cup of tea.

When the alarm went off next morning
I nearly had a fit.
She'd set the thing for 4 am
I rolled over and said “shit” !

Come on get dressed now darling
She was up and keen to start.
The doctor said this time of day
Is better for your heart.

What bloody doc " I muttered"
My ribs she gave a prod.
Tell me his name I blurted out
I'll kill the bloody sod.

As I walked out the doorway
The cold hit me like a vice.
I'm sure my toes froze instantly
My fingers felt like ice.

She took off down the pathway
Her hips they swayed and rolled.
She as like an Olympic finals walker
Striding out there for the gold.

But I would not be defeated
I tucked my chin in tight.
But by the time I reached the corner
She'd disappeared from sight.

I broke into a shuffling gait
I fought the urge to cough.
The wind whistled round my privates
and I'm sure some bits fell off.

I think I caught a glimpse of her
When at the hill, mate did I balk
Her arms pumping with vigour
As she did that power walk.

I battled on, I tried my best
But it was just too cold.
I really must admit it mate
I never felt so bloody old.

I stumbled home midst doom and gloom
Ya know I used to be so fit.
But walking's just like talking
Sheilas are so good at it.

I staggered through the doorway
then slumped into my favourite chair
You can stick this walking caper mate
I really just don't care.

I've brought myself a brand new gym
I set it up inside my shed
I go down there every evening
While she's snuggled up in bed.

I've got a bench and set of weights
Hey mate I'm ridgy didge.
I also brought a small TV
And a second hand beer fridge.

My mates come round to help me
Sometimes there's quite a crowd
We have a beer then after training
And mate Sheila's, aren't allowed.

I tell you I'm the champion
And I'm not talking out of school
I'm pretty good at elbow bending
Or playing eight ball pool.

So if your missus nags you
To get out and walk each day
Set your own fitness programme
Don't you let her have her way.

Get your self a great big shed
And fill it up with toys
The best way to get fit mate
Is elbow bending with the boys.

Bob Pacey
( c )

Watch out Bob, she might have to organise her own personal trainer if you're not up to it.

Long crossed that bridge Neville.

I might have been fit but was blind as well. Just like Maureen, my dogs and I make a good team.


Bob

Oh dear


The dogs will be happy to keep you on the daily walking routine.

I was in the chemist getting my medication this afternoon Nev ( don't you dare ) and they mentioned that the script was out of date.

Well can I still get some till I can get a new script ? No way so have to wait until tomorrow. bad luck if something happens tonight.

Oh I do not think they liked my comment that date coding is now on toilet paper as well. " USE BY DATE "


Yeah I know Heather Dad Joke .

Bob

Sounds like you need medication for your memory too then Bob! It's a worry..

Could be that I'm the problem Heather and not my memory.

Went to heat up some raisin toast in the microwave and put it on for 10 minutes not 10 seconds. I like my toast crisp but this lot had coals in it and the microwave is black inside.


Bob

Bob most of us when we are getting the other side of young take a few pills each day,
But remember to call them pills or tablets, you know what happens when people go off their medication.

TTFN

Well i reckon ther is a simple solution for, bugger what was i talking about, oh yeah memory loss.

The real problem comes with CRAFT disease and attacks of the Here Afters.


Bob