ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

The Perils Of Water

I’m one of those unlucky people who constantly struggles with diets and there are some weird diets out there to be tried. I didn’t have much success with the “Water Diet” …

Water! Water! Stinkin’ water!
It should be bloody banned, it oughta’!

Ya’ shouldn’t drink the flamin’ stuff,
‘cos when ya’ drink e-bloody-nuff,
it makes ya’ put on heaps’a weight,
and that don’t make the butt look great.

My hubbie said, “Hey, Jiggle-Butt,
you really need to lose that gut!”
So now, I’m only drinkin’ water
‘cos my sweet Hubbie said I ought’a.

I suck it straight from hose or taps,
but water, it don’t fill the gaps.
I drink it till I go beserk,
this lunch of water just don't work!

I feel the need to have a chew.
Ah ha, this Cherry Ripe will do!
A Mars Bar, then a Milky Way,
with water, several times a day.

I'll tell ya’ on the shoosh and quiet -
H20’s just half me diet.
I stretch me jeans, but don’t fit in,
so chuck that water in the bin!

Although that water made me fatter,
I say, “Who cares? That don’t matter!
‘Cos chubby’s better any how -
there’s more of me to cuddle now!”

Aah yes, the liquid diet, tried a few of them. I tried a vegemite soup diet once, that's just one step above plain old water. I tried those meal replacement milkshake drink thingies once too. I always felt like I should have a proper meal afterwards. I tried vodka, but that was a disaster.

Uummh, talking about dieting is making me hungry. I wonder if there's any choccies left in the fridge .... see ya .....

If yah Hubbys arms won't go around you, tell him to get his arms lenthened Kym

bill W

always knew water was no good for you Kym, been saying that for years, not only does it make you avoirdupois but it also it rusts your pipes out. My Dr asked me how much water I drink and I said it depended on whether or not I had a headache. I only use it to wash down painkillers

Chokky here Leonie if you've run out

I love the poem Kym Great fun piece. ( except for the dieter I suppose )

Good to see you writing Kymmie! Great piece of fun.

Heather

Seen the real moose hat tonight. Kym you had them rollin with laughter.

You rock girl.

Bob Ps I can see you improving all the time.

Great Poem Kymmie, sounds like the recitings going well too, well done.
Cheers
Sue

Thanks everyone, ya gotta break out and have a silly laugh occasionally hey? That's one of my original poems, back when I had time to write (sigh ...) It's pretty sad when I have to post oldies, cos I don't have any newies to show! Oh well, one day I'll have heaps of spare time ... won't I????? Someone please tell me life will slow down soon? I thought once the 3 daughters had moved out, I'd have all day to myself. Why, oh why, isn't that happening??? Leonie, I need a tired-face smiley please ...