ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Gone Forever

He sits upon
the rocky shore
and gazes out to sea.
his heart is lost forever more
for he has set it free.

Forever now
to wander lost
upon the misty air
to ride the oceans currents , tossed
does anybody care.

He rises then
and with a cry
leaps toward the turquoise sea
no-one hears his fateful sigh
nobody hears his plea.

Bob Pacey

Now Bob you have got me worried - are you OK up there???? This is a bit sad for you.

Planning on swimming lessons? Watch out for bluebottles - Nobody as opposed to no body
hears his fateful sigh - but I heard you Bob..I was listening. You are never lost Mate there's always people who tell you where to go Billy is always on down here Mate when you are in this neck of the woods - but I am sending you a virtual cuddle
just in case you are feeling a bit blue - feel the love.

Cheers

Maureen

Hey Bob, not bad, not bad at all. You seriously write good serious stuff.

If I may make a couple of suggestions. Caught in a couple of places. Lose the second "lost"

upon the misty air

and nobody hears his fateful sigh

I'd change to no-one hears his fateful sigh.

See what you think?

Heather

Ah, lets muddy the water a little more!!

"Leaps toward the turquoise sea" has an extra syllable at the beginning of the line.
>>/>/>/

If you change the nobody to no-one, it changes the rhythm that has been set through the poem, which is:
>/>/
>/>/
>/>/>/
>/>/>/>/
>/>/>/

However....... if you change the no-one in the last line to nobody, it puts that line back into the
rhythm that the other stanzas follow.

ie
He rises then
and with a cry
leaps toward the turquoise sea
nobody hears his fateful sigh
no one hears his plea.

or

He rises then
and with a cry
leaps to the turquoise sea
Nobody hears his fateful sigh
nobody hears his plea

I figure the extra lost was a typo error!!

Sorry Bob - just playing!!! Had to duck back out home to pick something up in my lunch break - and the weather is too beautiful not to be silly!!

Beautiful but melancholy piece of work. I love it just how it stands.
It captures perfectly the feelings that I presume you are looking to convey.

Catchya
IRene

Thanks Ladies, made a couple of changes re the suggestions and yes it runs better.

The extra lost came from I don't know where but it is gone now. Did it in the screen so this is the only copy.


The fact that I have Maureen worried means yes it conveyed the feeling that I wanted. But if you are giving out the free cuddles Maureen I'll take it.

Cheers and thanks Bob

Oh wow Bob, that's great! I didn't know you could do something so ... so ... literate. I'm impressed. I like the unusual format, very interesting.

So Kymmie my usual stuff by inference is illiterate ??????


I know what you mean Kym don't stress. You would be surprised at some of the poems I write.


Bob

Deep stuff there Bob, well written.

Sue

I know, I know, "literate" isn't the word I meant. I meant it was more serious, more meaningful than your normal funny stuff. I just didn't know you had that side to you, thought you were all just fun, fun, fun ...

What call Bob for a fun time ?????


In calls and out calls accepted. ???

Kym you know I'm a pretty serious guy at the best of times.

Did ya see Aussie As She Is Spoke made last weeks Saturday paper.

Finally finished it.


Bob