My Exercise Programme
Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 7:31 am
My Exercise Programme
The missus reckons that I'm fat, she don't pull no punches
Though I will admit I've packed it on with all those business lunches.
We must go walking every day to get my weight in line.
"A half an hour each day" she said! should work out really fine.
Yeah! I said that shouldn't hurt a half an hour is just a stroll.
a few weeks on the pavement should help me reach my goal.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong she had this plan in mind
And I was to be her victim I walked straight into it blind.
“Great darl! we'll start tomorrow” she said with evil glee.
I pictured strolling in the sun then home for a cup of tea.
When the alarm went off next morning, I nearly had a bloody fit.
She'd set the thing for four o'clock, I rolled over and said “shit” !
“Come on get dressed now darling” She was up and keen to start.
The doctor said this time of day is better for your heart.
What bloody doc ? I muttered! my ribs she gave a prod.
Tell me his name I blurted out! I'll kill the bloody sod.
As I walked out the doorway the cold hit me like a vice.
I'm sure my toes froze instantly, my fingers felt like ice.
She took off down the pathway, her hips they swayed and rolled.
She was like an Olympic finals walker striding out there for the gold.
But I would not be defeated I tucked my chin in tight.
But by the time I reached the corner she had disappeared from sight.
I broke into a shuffling gait, I fought the urge to cough.
The wind whistled round my privates and I'm sure some bits fell off.
I think I caught a glimpse of her when at the hill, mate did I balk
Her arms pumping with vigour, as she did that power walk.
I battled on, I tried my best but it was just too cold.
I really must admit it mate, I never felt so bloody old.
I stumbled home midst doom and gloom, ya know I used to be so fit.
But walking's just like talking sheilas are so good at it.
I staggered through the doorway,then slumped into my favourite chair
You can stick this walking caper mate, I really just don't care.
I've brought myself a brand new gym and I set it up inside my shed
I go down there every evening while she's snuggled up in bed.
I've got a bench and set of weights, Hey mate I'm ridgy didge.
I also brought a small TV and a second hand beer fridge.
My mates come round to help me sometimes there's quite a crowd.
We have a beer then after training and mate Sheila's, aren't allowed.
I tell you I'm the champion and I'm not talking out of school
I'm pretty good at elbow bending or playing darts and pool.
So if your missus nags you to get out and walk each day
Set your own fitness programme don't you let her have her way.
Get your self a great big shed and fill it up with toys
The best way to get fit mate is elbow bending with the boys.
Bob Pacey
( c )
The missus reckons that I'm fat, she don't pull no punches
Though I will admit I've packed it on with all those business lunches.
We must go walking every day to get my weight in line.
"A half an hour each day" she said! should work out really fine.
Yeah! I said that shouldn't hurt a half an hour is just a stroll.
a few weeks on the pavement should help me reach my goal.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong she had this plan in mind
And I was to be her victim I walked straight into it blind.
“Great darl! we'll start tomorrow” she said with evil glee.
I pictured strolling in the sun then home for a cup of tea.
When the alarm went off next morning, I nearly had a bloody fit.
She'd set the thing for four o'clock, I rolled over and said “shit” !
“Come on get dressed now darling” She was up and keen to start.
The doctor said this time of day is better for your heart.
What bloody doc ? I muttered! my ribs she gave a prod.
Tell me his name I blurted out! I'll kill the bloody sod.
As I walked out the doorway the cold hit me like a vice.
I'm sure my toes froze instantly, my fingers felt like ice.
She took off down the pathway, her hips they swayed and rolled.
She was like an Olympic finals walker striding out there for the gold.
But I would not be defeated I tucked my chin in tight.
But by the time I reached the corner she had disappeared from sight.
I broke into a shuffling gait, I fought the urge to cough.
The wind whistled round my privates and I'm sure some bits fell off.
I think I caught a glimpse of her when at the hill, mate did I balk
Her arms pumping with vigour, as she did that power walk.
I battled on, I tried my best but it was just too cold.
I really must admit it mate, I never felt so bloody old.
I stumbled home midst doom and gloom, ya know I used to be so fit.
But walking's just like talking sheilas are so good at it.
I staggered through the doorway,then slumped into my favourite chair
You can stick this walking caper mate, I really just don't care.
I've brought myself a brand new gym and I set it up inside my shed
I go down there every evening while she's snuggled up in bed.
I've got a bench and set of weights, Hey mate I'm ridgy didge.
I also brought a small TV and a second hand beer fridge.
My mates come round to help me sometimes there's quite a crowd.
We have a beer then after training and mate Sheila's, aren't allowed.
I tell you I'm the champion and I'm not talking out of school
I'm pretty good at elbow bending or playing darts and pool.
So if your missus nags you to get out and walk each day
Set your own fitness programme don't you let her have her way.
Get your self a great big shed and fill it up with toys
The best way to get fit mate is elbow bending with the boys.
Bob Pacey
( c )
