Poppy

[Neville Briggs]

POPPY


There were days when no winter seemed cold,
and he sat in his chair by the fire,
reading books through those thick glassy lens;
always old, Poppy was always old.

From the fire, a warm yellow glow
made his skin look like crumpled craft paper
loosely wrapped on a thin bony frame.
He was deaf and half blind, he was slow.
Poppy's trousers were thick woollen stuff
held in place with a wide leather belt.
He had boots you could tramp for a year
and so solid they'd last well enough.

It was Poppy who had shelves of reading,
so the key of the power of words
turned the lock of the doorway to knowledge,
to where wisdom was calling and leading.
Poppy told of the times and events
that had formed him and tested the years.
He was sure he'd been kept and sustained
by the grace of divine providence.

There are days now, when winter feels cold,
and the children don't know how a child
can become just another old Poppy;
he's just old. Poppy's always been old.

[Glenny Palmer]

That's bonza Neville....you were listening at the Singleton workshop I see...as I love the way you have brought the intro right around the circle, to join up with the end. Tricky rhyming pattern too. It's lovely.

Cheeers
Glenny...................(I tried to resist the urge...but may I suggest that ''always old, Poppy was always old.'' is adapted to....
''always old, Poppy always was old.'' It holds the meter together....well not so much the meter per se but where the stress falls...on ''was'' is tidied up for a better 'flow'...up to you mate. )

[Maureen K Clifford]

How lovely this is Neville - such a gentle, unhurried verse. Much enjoyed thank you

did wonder if perhaps if it is not too clichéd

From the fire, a warm yellow glow
made his skin look like crumpled craft paper

whether 'tissue paper' might be better - only because to me craft paper is usually brightly coloured and fairly stiff which is not what you were thinking of I suspect - but that throws the stresses out in the line - anyway just a thought and certainly doesn't detract in any way


Cheers

Maureen

[Glenny Palmer]

I think the 'yellow glow' transfers well onto the 'crumpled craft paper' (& creates alliteration)....to me it indicates an ageing...yellowing of ageing paper, as per older skin. 'Golden' glow would have seemed more cliche to me, Maureen and would not have had that roll on imagery. Craft paper being stiff is better, as crumple it, & it would seem more 'leathery' which is the image required. I don't know about it being brightly coloured, but even brightly coloured...+ leave it age for 60 years & then crumple it...bingo.

All in all I think it's a ripper poem, but all comments aid the author in any case.

Cheeers
Glenny

[r.magnay]

...looks pretty good to me Poppy....I mean Neville.....

[mummsie]

I love this Neville. I had visions of my old Pop as I read. I remember my Pop telling me he was 66 years old and I thought that was ancient and that surely he must die soon. He lived to be 92 in a hut with a dirt floor and very few materialistic things. Thanks for jolting my memory.
I love the lines you have chosen here Nev, they bring out the true meaning of the poem.

Cheers
Sue

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks Glenny. I realise that the metre is slightly varied in the line 4. If we get a chance someday we might have a friendly debate on metric variations.
Always old...Poppy was...always old.
I thought that the repeated phrase makes it a bit lyrical, (if that's the right word).
and it is echoed in the last line. I didn't intend to match the metre precisely in those lines.
Thanks for taking the time to consider and comment.

Maureen and Glenny, I thought yellow sounded acidic and more of the idea of aging and wasting away.
Finding the right metaphor or simile for old people's skin was very difficult. I agree it could be an awkward passage. Woolies sells a craft paper that is brownish, thin enough to see through and easily becomes wrinkled and scored, that's what I had in mind.
Thanks for the critiques, very useful.

Ah Ross, Well done.you nailed it. Is Poppy in the first verse the same Poppy as the one in the last verse ??
One task I set myself in this verse, was to talk about things from my own perspective and experience without actually using the words, me, I or my. That's hard but I think a useful exercise because in poetry, paradoxically it can be more powerful to suggest rather than to spell out.

Good to hear from you Sue, you've been a bit quiet lately Thanks for the encouragement. I saw a wonderful photo of you in the APBA Mag.

[warooa]

Good stuff, Neville . . . un-hurried indeed, and well put.

Marty

[Glenny Palmer]

Helloo again Neville.
I seem to have an awkward affliction of sounding like I'm disagreeing when I am actually agreeing....mmm, haveta have a better think about that....I thought 'craft' paper was the way to go....(& I knew wot Ross knew ......you were very clever with that.)

To me, you have well achieved what you have told us you set out to acheive. Thank you for explaining that.

Word on the street is...you'll need to train up & be very fit to 'debate' with me.....(& I thought I was ever so gentle... )

Really well done Nev.

Cheeers
Glenny

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks Marty. A short word like yours is still a big encouragement.

Thanks for your interest Glenny. Thanks for the encouragement, I appreciate it very much .

Of course ! I was listening at your workshop to the wiritng lesson. . Jolly good it was. I noted well the performance advice, that was good, I'd recommend anyone to do the Glenny performance workshop.

And holster them guns Annie Oakley, I was only suggesting what the pollies call " constructive dialogue " ...not as they say " frank and open exchange of views"