THE TEST

[mummsie]

I havn't posted anything here for a while, so I thought I'd share this bit of humour I've been working on. I hope you get a laugh!!

THE TEST
Sue Pearce © June 2012

My poor old husband Harry, his reached that age-you know.
The water works don't function, there's an interrupted flow.
So I said "now come on Harry, it's time to have "the test".
Make sure there's nothing sinister, help put your mind at rest.

Now, Harry hadn't seen a Doc for nigh on twenty years
and when it came to medicals, was wet behind the ears.
When someone mentioned "check up", he'd say "fit as fit can be.
His macho status then implied with "no Doc's touching me".

So I made him an appointment and told him "you'll be right.
Poor Harry was beside himself. He couldn't sleep at night.
The day of the appointment came I kissed him at the door.
A wry smile spread across my face - I knew what was in store.

The Doctor said "now Harry, what's the problem with you mate?''
He replied "well Doc..the water works.. they seem to..hesitate".
The Doc said "OK Harry, there's a simple test we'll do".
Then handed him a screw top jar and showed him to the loo.

He checked his vitals then assured him "everything's O K".
Harry thought "well that was simple, I'll get dressed, be on my way".
The thought had barely crossed his mind when he became confused
on hearing words like "digital" and "lubricant is used".

He put two and two together and found they still made four
as the realisation set in- the sweat began to pour.
He turned to see the Doctor with a pair of gloves in hand,
requesting then of Harry "now let's check your prostate gland".

Harrys legs began to tremble-his pulse began to soar
as he took up that position, his pride went out the door.
Poor Harry was beside himself as cold hands sought things out.
He thought "I'll never be the same- my manhoods now in doubt".

Now the macho side of Harry began to raise it's head.
His temper started rising- his quiet demeanor fled.
He tried to keep things in control but, he could take no more.
He blasted out "enoughs enough-lets even up the score".

He grabbed a glove-no lubricant- and took the Doc in hand.
He'd show him how that test was done. Now he was in command.
The Doctors eyes began to bulge as Harry took control.
He'd show that Doctor what was meant by "digital patrol".

The two men fought and wrestled, till both men claimed defeat.
Then both agreed, exhaustively," the test" was a dead heat.
As both men lay entangled, a voice was calling loud.
The whole scene seemed to disappear amid a foggy cloud.

Harry heard his surname mentioned and woke up in a stew.
He'd dozed off in the waiting room whilst waiting in the queue.
The Doctor called his patient in and fought to understand
as to why he seemed reluctant to shake the doctors hand.

I'm pleased to say that Harrys "test" revealed that all is fine.
The Doctor called a week ago and Harry took the line.
"results are clear" the doctor said "I'll add them to your files
and by the way, before I go, we should discuss those piles".

[Bob Pacey]

Who said ya can not write funny Sue, a good one , a few little typos in there but easily fixed.

doctor with is one. A good finish as well which is the hardest part to nail.

Almost as funny as NSW winning a series

Cheers Bob

[Dennis N O'Brien]

Good one Sue - touches a nerve so to speak.

[Neville Briggs]

Good one Sue. My sympathy is with the doctor, who would want to do such a procedure

[Maureen K Clifford]

Hope you changed the names to protect the innocents

A good yarn Sue - I am still grinning

[Heather]

I laughed. Good one Sue,

Heather

[mummsie]

Seems like I managed to bring a few smiles. That was the idea. Writing humour is a bit out of my league, but I'm trying.

Bob, Yes, the typos happen when you post at that hour. I am trying to conquer the "grab them with the opening and make sure you finish on a funny note" thing.

Dennis I hope the nerve was your funny bone

Neville I expected to see the surprised symbol from you. It's not at all in my usual style of writing

Maureen Completely fictional, but hey, never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Heather You probably know more than anyone how I struggle with getting across funny. Glad you got a laugh.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement, as always it's greatly appreciated.

Cheers
Sue

[Rimeriter]

I want to add extra encouragement.

A bloody good chuckle.

More. More. More. Please.
Jim.

[Glenny Palmer]

The only reason you 'can't write funny' is because you think you can't!!....as proven by this ditty. That's as good a funny poem as I've seen of late Sue.....try doing another one when you are really peed orf!! There's nothing like a fire of indignation to heat up the funnies!! Good job!
Cheeers
Glenny...

[Glenny Palmer]

Whooo said it was a 'large object' Martyboy? That Doc coulda been a diminutive little Chinese practitioner with tiny tiny hands....coulda been even smaller...a diminutive little Chinese sheila Doc! (I hope I'm not medically challenged here...I thought I knew what they shoved up 'your clacker'....has the procedure altered recently?)......