THE TEST
Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:42 am
I havn't posted anything here for a while, so I thought I'd share this bit of humour I've been working on. I hope you get a laugh!!
THE TEST
Sue Pearce © June 2012
My poor old husband Harry, his reached that age-you know.
The water works don't function, there's an interrupted flow.
So I said "now come on Harry, it's time to have "the test".
Make sure there's nothing sinister, help put your mind at rest.
Now, Harry hadn't seen a Doc for nigh on twenty years
and when it came to medicals, was wet behind the ears.
When someone mentioned "check up", he'd say "fit as fit can be.
His macho status then implied with "no Doc's touching me".
So I made him an appointment and told him "you'll be right.
Poor Harry was beside himself. He couldn't sleep at night.
The day of the appointment came I kissed him at the door.
A wry smile spread across my face - I knew what was in store.
The Doctor said "now Harry, what's the problem with you mate?''
He replied "well Doc..the water works.. they seem to..hesitate".
The Doc said "OK Harry, there's a simple test we'll do".
Then handed him a screw top jar and showed him to the loo.
He checked his vitals then assured him "everything's O K".
Harry thought "well that was simple, I'll get dressed, be on my way".
The thought had barely crossed his mind when he became confused
on hearing words like "digital" and "lubricant is used".
He put two and two together and found they still made four
as the realisation set in- the sweat began to pour.
He turned to see the Doctor with a pair of gloves in hand,
requesting then of Harry "now let's check your prostate gland".
Harrys legs began to tremble-his pulse began to soar
as he took up that position, his pride went out the door.
Poor Harry was beside himself as cold hands sought things out.
He thought "I'll never be the same- my manhoods now in doubt".
Now the macho side of Harry began to raise it's head.
His temper started rising- his quiet demeanor fled.
He tried to keep things in control but, he could take no more.
He blasted out "enoughs enough-lets even up the score".
He grabbed a glove-no lubricant- and took the Doc in hand.
He'd show him how that test was done. Now he was in command.
The Doctors eyes began to bulge as Harry took control.
He'd show that Doctor what was meant by "digital patrol".
The two men fought and wrestled, till both men claimed defeat.
Then both agreed, exhaustively," the test" was a dead heat.
As both men lay entangled, a voice was calling loud.
The whole scene seemed to disappear amid a foggy cloud.
Harry heard his surname mentioned and woke up in a stew.
He'd dozed off in the waiting room whilst waiting in the queue.
The Doctor called his patient in and fought to understand
as to why he seemed reluctant to shake the doctors hand.
I'm pleased to say that Harrys "test" revealed that all is fine.
The Doctor called a week ago and Harry took the line.
"results are clear" the doctor said "I'll add them to your files
and by the way, before I go, we should discuss those piles".
THE TEST
Sue Pearce © June 2012
My poor old husband Harry, his reached that age-you know.
The water works don't function, there's an interrupted flow.
So I said "now come on Harry, it's time to have "the test".
Make sure there's nothing sinister, help put your mind at rest.
Now, Harry hadn't seen a Doc for nigh on twenty years
and when it came to medicals, was wet behind the ears.
When someone mentioned "check up", he'd say "fit as fit can be.
His macho status then implied with "no Doc's touching me".
So I made him an appointment and told him "you'll be right.
Poor Harry was beside himself. He couldn't sleep at night.
The day of the appointment came I kissed him at the door.
A wry smile spread across my face - I knew what was in store.
The Doctor said "now Harry, what's the problem with you mate?''
He replied "well Doc..the water works.. they seem to..hesitate".
The Doc said "OK Harry, there's a simple test we'll do".
Then handed him a screw top jar and showed him to the loo.
He checked his vitals then assured him "everything's O K".
Harry thought "well that was simple, I'll get dressed, be on my way".
The thought had barely crossed his mind when he became confused
on hearing words like "digital" and "lubricant is used".
He put two and two together and found they still made four
as the realisation set in- the sweat began to pour.
He turned to see the Doctor with a pair of gloves in hand,
requesting then of Harry "now let's check your prostate gland".
Harrys legs began to tremble-his pulse began to soar
as he took up that position, his pride went out the door.
Poor Harry was beside himself as cold hands sought things out.
He thought "I'll never be the same- my manhoods now in doubt".
Now the macho side of Harry began to raise it's head.
His temper started rising- his quiet demeanor fled.
He tried to keep things in control but, he could take no more.
He blasted out "enoughs enough-lets even up the score".
He grabbed a glove-no lubricant- and took the Doc in hand.
He'd show him how that test was done. Now he was in command.
The Doctors eyes began to bulge as Harry took control.
He'd show that Doctor what was meant by "digital patrol".
The two men fought and wrestled, till both men claimed defeat.
Then both agreed, exhaustively," the test" was a dead heat.
As both men lay entangled, a voice was calling loud.
The whole scene seemed to disappear amid a foggy cloud.
Harry heard his surname mentioned and woke up in a stew.
He'd dozed off in the waiting room whilst waiting in the queue.
The Doctor called his patient in and fought to understand
as to why he seemed reluctant to shake the doctors hand.
I'm pleased to say that Harrys "test" revealed that all is fine.
The Doctor called a week ago and Harry took the line.
"results are clear" the doctor said "I'll add them to your files
and by the way, before I go, we should discuss those piles".
