ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

My Prostate Test

Mate I'd had this bit of trouble
There was something not quite right.
I was going to the toilet
All through the bloody night.

I couldn't pee when I got there
Ah well only just a trickle.
I'd go back to bed then I'd be up again
I was really in a pickle.

So I went to see my doctor
To check on what was wrong.
I've only just turned fifty-eight
And I'm still feeling fit and strong.

Now your at an age ! the doctor said
Where things can start to fail.
We better check on everything
So hop up on the scale.

Your a little overweight he says
Things are looking pretty grim.
You'll have to cut down on the grog
Mate I've got news for him.

He poked me and he prodded me
He made me cough and hack
And take my deepest bloody breath
While he listened to me back.

My blood pressure, he checked that out
With this thing around my arm.
We'll check your blood for sugar
It can't do any harm.

Well things were going great mate
I'd started to get dressed.
Then he said he'd have to do
A bloody prostate test.

Lay here on the couch! he says
My rear was all extended.
I know now how those players felt
When Hopoate got suspended.

He stuck his finger in my date
It sent my sensors reeling
I jumped so high when he wriggled it
I left claw marks in the ceiling.

He pushed again and felt around
Said things felt pretty stable.
He said I might feel like a pee
But I'd just done it on the table.

I'm sure that he was smiling
As I crawled further up the bench.
I though, there's got to be a better way
My cheeks began to clench.

He said a P.S.A. in blood test
Is a surer way of telling.
This is just a nice quick way
To check for any swelling.

I couldn't get my strides up quick enough
I left skid marks on the floor
I'm sure I heard him laughing
As I bolted out the door.

Well they took me blood and checked it out
My P.S.A. was one point three,
and my bladder was infected
See that's why I couldn't pee.

They say I must get tested once a year
So things are looking pretty grim
But I won't be going back again
At least mate not to him.

See I've found this lady doctor
Her hands are smaller than the rest.
If they have to check me prostate
I might as well enjoy the bloody test.

Bob Pacey
29/08/08

Many similarities between poems Bob. But I'll take your word for it. Well, I'll have to, wont I.

This was done for a quick fundraiser for the prostate council Sue, there are a few around the traps.


Dr Ping is a very funny BLOKE and lost a finger a few years back so tells every potential victim that he got a longer one sewed back on just to make sure.


Cheers Bob

Thought for a second I'd logged in to prostate support group forum.

I have had recent first hand (so to speak) experience
and an argument with a green light laser. (it won)
Believe it or not my gp is a thirty something female
and yes she does have slim digits.
Good poem Bob.

Did you say he lost a finger Bob? Might I be so bold as to ask ..where?

Women have prostates too, Sue. They're just very small and rudimentary - like a dolphin's pelvis.

Thank you for enlightening me Stephen. Theres nothing you can't learn on this forum". I've even looked it up Stephen. The 'Skenes' gland if your wondering ladies. Thank god we don't need a "test" for it.
As my old boss used to say "everyday's a school day".
Sorry for stealing the thread Bob.


Cheers
Sue

Well, that is interesting, Sue. I was just having a bit of a lend of you, but you could be onto something there!