ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Very whimsical

Heather

Felt like it needed another verse though.



Bob

Nice one Heather,

Ron

Puff the Magic Dragon, eh? Very sad.

Noice

Yeah I love it, but wanted a bit more.

Thanks for the comments Bob, Ron and Maureen.

Marty and Bob, I kinda felt the same and did have another stanza but took it out because I thought I might be repeating. I'll have another think about it.

Stephen, yes, a bit of Puff. The poem is based on something my grandmother told me and unfortunately she has been gone 8 years now so I can't ask her more about her childhood on the beach. She grew up in a small seaside town called Ulverstone in Tasmania and spent hours on the beach walking with her father who she adored. When she was about 9 the family moved to Melbourne but she always loved Ulverstone and wanted to go back. We spread her ashes on the beach in 2010 as was her wish.

So, I didn't have a lot of information to play with and I don't want to make it up because it is my grandmother's story and I didn't want it to sound corny which would be so easy to do. I did stretch the truth a little because the beach at Ulverstone doesn't seem to have a name but she also loved the Leven River which enters the sea at Ulverstone.

Heather

I almost feel the poem would work better without the reference to Leven Beach. The rest of the poem is so dreamy and non-specific that the name of a real beach comes as a bit of a jolt.

It's a challenge for all of us to find a way to keep a little bit of our childhood alive as we make our way through adult life...unlike Jackie Paper.

Thanks Stephen. I have made the change back to what I had originally.

I have two problems
1. I am impatient and want to get poems finished - now!
2. I am a woman and change my mind a lot!

It's a cross I have to bear!

Seriously though, it's great to be able to post a poem and get some feedback. I'm continuously trying to improve what i write and it makes each new poem harder and harder to write.

Heather

Because you're a woman? I don't know what my excuse is, then!