ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Backing The Van


All around this wide brown country there are delights you all should know
and to see it all should be a lasting plan.
I’ve seen a few weird things myself but the best I’ve every seen
is when a poor old nomad tries to back his van.

No matter where you strike them from the Cape to Hobart town
this ceremony seems to find a place.
It is like some secret ritual but some treat it like a joke
while others seem to think it is a race.

Those who have already settled will lounge back in their chairs
always an ice cold drink so close at hand.
For it should be such a simple thing to back onto a site
but it turns into an exhibition grand.

The waving of the hands comes first like a fighter pilots crew
trying to get the plane down safely on the deck.
but this pilots either blind or deaf and all communication fails
as the shrubs along the sites side does he wreck.

Then will come the yelling as she runs from side to side
then he hears a thud and on the brake does clap.
“ Will you listen to what I’m saying you stupid deaf old fool”
He’s just wiped out the bloody water tap.

The neighbours are all laughing as the van sways too and fro
as he adjusts his line and runs up on the slab.
“ Oh I give up Bill “ she screams in a state of pure frustration
and the bloke next door gives his mates ribs a jab.

Some will use a two way when the drivers hearings failing
but sometimes interference can cause them grief.
With instructions coming thick and fast confusion reigns supreme
as all the neighbours shake their heads in disbelief.

Motor homes and buses or fifth wheelers matter not
the problems still the same and causes strife.
cause left hand down still turns the rig when SWIMBO calls out right
and everyone still scurries for their life.

Well then finally they settle and the crowd all melts away
to the campfire to discuss the evening plan..
but as sure as day turns into night tomorrow they'll be back.
to witness another backing of the van.

Bob Pacey ( C )

The best idea I have ever seen was one of my Dads who always had this same problem and Mum giving him direction like a RAAF airman trying to bring a plane into land didn't help either.

He put a tow bar on the front of the car. It was easy then when getting to the site to disconnect the van, drive around the block to come in nose first and then reconnect the van to the front towbar and push the bugger in. Worked like a treat every time, and yet I don't recall seeing anyone else do this.

I can't reverse to save myself with or without a van. I have never reverse parked since getting my licence and if I can't find a drive through site to park in - it ain't happening. I am always envious of truckies who can reverse down the narrowest of access ways with barely an inch to spare on either side and make it look like a piece of cake

...I'm with you Bob, one of the highlights of our annual trip to the Darwin supercars is watching the grey nomads set up their various types of mobile living place when we camp along the way. We pull up and break out the esky and a couple of chairs or sit on our swags, then sit back and watch the fun!

Funny thing is Ross I help a lot onto site and the relieved look on the parteners faces in a joy to behold when they realise I'm going to give instructions.


One lady nicknamed me " The Marriage Councillor " and it has stuck funny thing is I'm not so good at backing myself but real good at giving directions.


Yep Maureen we use a Kabota with a front tow bar for the tight sites works a treat.


Cheers Bob

Yeah Bob, at least they might be able to understand them!


The old tow bar in the front is a very old trick, a lot of boaties have the same thing for launching and retrieving boats. Even road trains have a tow bar on the front which can be used for manipulating trailers into difficult spots, I have never used one but I can see that they would be useful.

and my bit on the matter,...

whether I am asked to be the driver or the navigator.. whatever the outcome it less than successful, it is my fault.
eg recently I was standing behind, - giving hand signals and yelling, simple one word instructions, but being ignored most of the time. .. Now I did give a stop signal and a crossed arm signal (meaning an impending jack-knife ) but still the car was in motion! when the 'van' was parked and unhooked, and the damage inspected - It was my fault. (was I supposed to jump in between the car and van to stop the scratches on our six month old car?)

I can't back a van, trailer or boat, but do just fine with the car on it's own.