ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

This is my first posting and I hope you enjoy my work. I would appreciate some feedback.
Here is a Villanelle I wrote earlier this year, inspired by the number of young people losing their lives in the name of war. It is meant to be read as a young wife who has lost her husband.

Eulogy

March bravely my hero toward that white light,
our love burns eternal and I'll miss you so,
but your battle has ended; your soul's taking flight.

We were as one and our future looked bright,
then your promise was cruelled in fighting the foe…
March bravely my hero toward that white light.

We sing to your courage, your virtues we cite,
your friends here gathered, row upon row,
for your battle has ended; your soul's taking flight.

Your brothers who bear you are all holding tight
to tears that likely will soon overflow.
March bravely my hero toward that white light.

You were valiant in combat, defending our right
to peace in our lifetime and freedom from woe,
but your battle has ended; your soul's taking flight.

So farewell, my lover, rest easy tonight
for my sore heart will mend. I must now let you go….
March bravely my hero toward that white light
for your battle has ended; your soul's taking flight.

Thanks for that Marion. I think the Villanelle is a form that could be used for great effect in bush poetry because it's origin is in the tradition of rural folk song.

I think your piece is very expressive and fits the theme well.

You might need to double check some of the lines to make sure that the metre is flowing as well as it could.

Well done Marion - these little suckers are not easy to put together and you've jumped in the deep end. Good on you. I like this and welcome to the mob - great to see you posting work of this calibre here

Cheers

Maureen

Maureen K Clifford wrote:Well done Marion - these little suckers are not easy to put together and you've jumped in the deep end. Good on you. I like this and welcome to the mob - great to see you posting work of this calibre here

Cheers

Maureen

Thanks Maureen and the others for your encouragement. I have only been writing me pomes this year, really. I joined a U3A creative writing class and we covered a little poetry, much to the chagrin of the others in class, but somehow lately all my pieces just seem to turn into verse. I never know just what is going to happen until I sit down and start writing.

Not quite sure how this forum works either - will get used to it in time I s'pose.

Marion

(still fiddling with how this works)

There! that better?

Thanks for your advice on the copyright symbol, Martyboy, however, I looked this up via my trusty Mr Google and came up with the following:

A copyright notice (©) is not required on a work to gain copyright, but only the copyright owner is entitled to place a notice. It is useful in publishing the date of first publication and the owner. Where a copyright notice is used, the onus in infringement proceedings is on the defendant to show that copyright does not subsist or is not owned by the person stated in the notice.

I take this to mean that because my posting online is its first publication, the copyright is automatically mine whether or not I use the symbol. Am I being naive? Anyway, it would have to be pretty darn good, in my opinion, for someone to want to pinch it.

so you fiddled and posted the same comment twice not to worry - just go back into the second comment - click on the edit button - highlight and delete the bit you didn't mean to be there and type whoops comment and hit the submit button. Don't worry we have all done it from time to time.

This forum works by people power - just jump in and comment, post up your poems, share your thoughts and photos and anything else you think you might like to show (no rude piccies pleeeeeease) - but most of all have fun and enjoy and you will be surprised what you will learn See its started already eg adding the copyright symbol to all of your work

Cheers

Maureen

Enjoyed your poem, Marion . . .

yeah I don't lose too much sleep over copyright either - look forward to hearing more from you.

Welcome to the forum.

Marty . . the evil northern one . . not the angel (insert "fairy" icon here please Mr Moderator) from the south