Women of the Valley

[william williams]

congrats Marty a story well told of truth
Bill The old battler

[Neville Briggs]

That's a timely piece of writing.

[Heather]

Fantastic poem Marty and something I can relate to. I've seen it and experienced it first hand. Women are very strong when the chips are down - much stronger than men, and i think it is because we talk and are so openly supportive and not afraid to show our emotions. I saw many women experience personal growth after the 2009 fires.

After Black Saturday I saw women come together in this area and the support given to each other was by far the most important healing remedy available. Then, when our group went to Bright and Dederang we met women affected by the Beechworth (2009) fires. They met every week as a sewing group to support each other. When the two groups met we had so much in common and were able to share similar experiences and laugh a lot.

Your poem has made me smile. Thanks. I'll be saving this one to read again.

Heather

[Maureen K Clifford]

Totally agree with Heathers comment and what an inspiring write this is Marty - something I would personally like to see you share with the ladies in those fire affected areas. The women sometimes feel they are not doing enough in these situations whereas the reality is as you point out here their work is equally as valuable in a crisis. They are like the nurses on the battlefields - they may not fight but they certainly help to win the fight.

Would you consider sending this to the local papers in the fire areas? I think it would give a boost to flagging spirits

Cheers

Maureen

ps you've got a typo ...sacred s/b scared Line 9

[Heather]

Actually, you are probably right in a way Marty. At this point in time everyone is strong. It's in the months ahead that the men start to fall apart and depression creeps in. Men find their lives are out of control and they are used to being the provider, the man about the house, the one you can depend on, the strong one. They don't want to accept help or charity and many try to do it on their own. That's where groups like Blazeaid were great for the men because they could get out and do blokey things like fencing and talk to other blokes.

I have a friend, a very capable man who was an executive when he worked. He was retired at the time of the fire and lost his home, fences etc. Everything then came tumbling down. The price of re-building was extraordinary because of all the new fire building codes, every quote they got was too much; they were on a roller coaster of emotions. They were living in a caravan, it was windy, cold and wet. They lived in a van for two years in the end. He was too proud to accept help to get his fences done so he couldn't keep the few sheep he'd had before the fire; the grass grew; it took 2 days to mow each time; he was time poor. They were dipping into their superannuation to get back what they already had. Stress, stress,stress! This is just one of the many men I saw in similar situations. In the end a very simple thing got that man back on track - a working bee to build his woodshed. The men did the building, the women did a bit of gardening and arranged some food. The wood shed took a day whereas it would have taken my friend 3mths (he said). Then, some volunteers came to do his fences the next week. Life under control again (almost).

It's been four years since Black Saturday and people are still rebuilding houses, gardens, driveways. It is totally exhausting, on-going and expensive and people don't realise how long it takes to recover.

Once again, thanks for the poem Marty.

Heather

[Neville Briggs]

That's terrific, about your friend Heather. The makings of a GREAT bush poem there.

[Stephen Whiteside]

Good poem, Marty.

One thing. I'd be careful about being too dismissive of trained counsellors. In my experience, they generally have a lot to offer that the layperson doesn't.

[Heather]

Certainly counsellors have their place, but in my experience the women that formed strong bonds with other women in the same situation were the ones who did the best and did not need counselling. Relationships suffered because of the stress and if a relationship wasn't strong before then the stress was enough to blow it apart. Often the men fell in a heap but somehow women often stepped up and grew stronger and that change of roles also caused problems. People re-assessed their lives and what was important and if both parties didn't do the same that also caused problems. I saw a lot of it. I also saw it bond couples too and make them stronger.

Heather

[Darren]

Good work Marty. I think you captured the mood and feelings very well.

Noticed a typo in "The can talk it but they also walk the walk "

Times are a changing. In the midst of the pandemonium that was “Black Saturday” the women that rolled out and volunteered to do this work (whenever they were required) were devastated when some jumped up official from the big smoke told them that all the food that they had prepared was being thrown out because it wasn't produced within the "guidelines" and they didn't have the appropriate certificate. Their food was not suitable or safe to feed the fire fighters. Some of these lovely ladies had been doing this for more than 50 years. If they could have, I'm sure they would have demonstrated the proper use of "certificates.”

Sometimes it seems the world has gone mad with red tape.

I was involved with both men and women after the fires and still have people I met during these times call in to visit. There is a vast difference between how people cope and it is harder to get men to talk. I didn’t loose a house so I was an “outsider” and my involvement was one of support and fund raising. Once I was accepted then the “black” humour was openly shared as were their experiences. Talking and sharing and understanding that there is a common thread certainly makes the burdens easier to bear. Once you realise that you are not alone in your fears and worries you aren’t “scared” to share how you feel because you understand you will not be judged.

[Stephen Whiteside]

Yeah, I'm not talking about whether the women themselves need counselling, or counsel each other, I'm referring more to the language that the women 'run rings around' counsellors because they 'walk the walk' as well as 'talk the talk'. What's the word I'm looking for? It's a bit basic. It doesn't ring true to me. Sounds kind of redneck. You don't have to build one group of people (country women) up by putting another group (counsellors) down. Who knows? Perhaps there are some trained counsellors amongst the women Marty is talking about. They are not oil and water, and many counsellors do 'walk the walk'. It is often traumatic life experiences that leads people to become counsellors in the first place.