ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Boil on the Bum

I joined in a horseback adventure,
To handle whatever may come.
I just didn't count
That my surefooted mount
Would give me a boil on the bum.

The scenery was quite amazing.
To me, though, it all looked hum drum.
You can count on the sights
And the clear starry nights
To be wrecked by a boil on the bum.

All said the trip was fantastic.
Alas, though, I'll give you the drum;
An unfailing ploy
That will rob you of joy
Is a festering boil on the bum.

The cattlemen offered to squeeze it.
They saw my expression so glum.
I declined such a poke.
I was scared they'd provoke
The big yellow boil on my bum.

I tried riding just on one buttock,
But that offered scarcely a crumb
Of relief. I was stuck
With a thumping great truck-
Load of grief from the boil on my bum.

Damper and tea by the campfire;
To all of this joy I was numb.
Denied any rest,
I was, frankly, obsessed
With the mountainous bonk on my bum.

My sleep was disrupted and ragged.
They told me I cried out for mum.
That's not a suprise
When you think of the size
Of the huge throbbing boil on my bum.

As luck - or as fortune - would have it,
This lesion the size of my thumb
Let itself down
As we came back to town -
This treacherous beast on my bum.

As I felt it soak into my undies,
This thing that had grown to a plum,
I was tempted to kiss
All my mates - such the bliss
From the loss of the boil on my bum.

So all you who'd trek through the mountains,
Remember that times can be rum
If you wind up like me
In complete agony
With a bloody great boil on your bum!

Stephen Whiteside 13.02.3013

Padded undies next time Stephen. Thanks for the chuckle.


Heather

Thanks, Heather. Perhaps not one of my deeper poems...

Very funny Stephen. When I was a kid everyone seemed to suffer from a run of boils, but it seems that they are no longer as common as they once were. Have you noticed this in your work?
A mate ofmine developed a boil on his nose right between his eyes! He was in a terrible state for weeks.
By the way Robert W Service wrote a classic poem about a lady with a boil called Bessie's Boil. It is very funny and available on the net.

Now Stephen I’m shocked, disconcerted
I’d never considered you dumb
enough to think just for a moment
the horse caused the boil on the bum.
This animal humble and lowly
had carried you far on his back
and then you accuse him unjustly.
He should have made you walk on back.

Thanks, Vic. Still see a few.

You think the horse is just a handy scapegoat, Maureen? Perhaps you're right.